


I Will Never Let You Fall

by TheFabRosevest



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Abuse, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 18:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Kid!fic</b><br/> When Brendon’s parents decided to adopt a child, they probably thought it to be a lot easier.</p>
<p>
  <i>“You think honey and chocolate would taste good together?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>At that, Brendon could see a little smile creep over Ryan’s lips.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Never Let You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so a lot of people really like this one. It's not my favorite because I hate the way it's written and there are way too many mistakes but I'm too lazy to go through it to correct them :( sorry for that but when I wrote it I wasn't that good at english yet so yeah I hope you're able to enjoy it anyway :)

**3rd POV**

“Hello and welcome to the Blue Rose Orphanage. We’re very happy that you finally decided to come by.” The lady behind the counter said to them. Brendon’s parents shook hands with her and Brendon just looked up at her.

“And who are you?” She asked, smiling down at him. Her blue eyes showing him how happy she was.

“Brendon” He murmured while he hid behind his father’s back.

“Hello, Brendon. How old are you?”

“Eight years”

“And you’re here to get a new brother or sister?”

He just nodded and looked around nervously.

“We thought about it for a long time. First we thought about getting another child, but eventually we decided to adopt, because I think it’s just not fair how everyone gets children and here are so many ones that are waiting for a home every day.” His mother smiled down at him when she said that.

The lady behind the counter smiled even wider and led them through a big hall and into another room.

“This is the main room. The children are here most of the time, playing.” She said with a smile. Brendon watched all the children, running around and yelling playfully. Most of them were his age, some were younger and he even saw some teenagers.

Suddenly, many of the children were running towards them and Brendon felt slightly claustrophobic, hiding behind his father again.

The kids began to ask his parents things and some even tried talking to Brendon but he just tried to ignore them. They annoyed him.

“Dad, I don’t want to be here.” He said, pulling at his father’s clothes.

“What about you look around a bit then, huh? But don’t get too far away, so you find the way back.”

Brendon nodded and ran out of the room. He looked around and decided to take the stairs to look what was up there.

When he got to the top, there was another corridor he walked along. There were closed doors and Brendon didn’t dare to open one of them. When he came to the end of the corridor, he looked out of the window. The orphanage was an hour away from the next town and it seemed to be in a forest, but maybe it just seemed so big, because Brendon was so small.

Outside was a small playground and Brendon saw a figure sitting on one of the swings. He could just see a head with brown hair and suddenly got interested in this kid.

So he began to run down the stairs again and searched for a door that led outside. When he found it, he needed a few minutes to find the playground, but when it came into sight, the kid wasn’t there anymore. Disappointed, Brendon began to walk over the playground, but no one seemed to be around.

“Hello?” he asked loudly. “Where are you?”

He jumped across the grass and looked around again.

“You wanna play hide and seek, huh?”

A grin spread over his face.

“Okay, but I have to warn you, I’m good at it.”

The boy began to run over the playground, searching everywhere. Then he decided to expand his search. He searched all around the house but he couldn’t find the kid.

When he was back at the playground he sat down on the swing the kid has sat before and began to think.

He looked at the trees around him and saw a small stream with a tiny bridge. He got up and walked towards it. He looked down and saw small fishes in the water. He laughed and watched them interested when he heard a noise.

“Huh?”

Brendon turned his head in the direction where he thought to hear it and for a moment he thought to see something under the bridge.

“Hello?” The boy asked and jumped closer to the bridge so that he could see under it.

There sat a boy, looking up with big fearful eyes. It was obviously the he was the boy Brendon saw on the swing because he recognized the hair.

“Found you!” Brendon said smiling but the boy’s eyes just grew wider.

“Come out.”

The boy didn’t even stir.

“You have to find me now.”

Still no reaction.

“Is something wrong?” Brendon asked, sitting down in front of the boy, who retreated a bit more.

“What’s your name? I’m Brendon!”

Brendon stretched his hand out for the boy to shake, but he still got no response.

“What’s wrong with you? It’s not very polite to ignore someone.”

“Brendon? Where are you?” Brendon jerked up when he heard his father’s voice.

He got up and looked around. His father and the lady from earlier stood by the playground, looking for him.

“I’m here!” he yelled and they began to walk towards him.

“What are you doing here? I told you not to walk too far away.” He said to his son.

“But I was playing hide and seek with- uhm?” Brendon looked at the boy under the bridge, who still looked at him with big eyes.

“Oh, I see. Let’s just go back in, okay?” the lady said and Brendon nodded and kneed in front of the boy again.

“You coming?” he asked with a smile.

“Brendon, come on.” His father said and pulled him up by his arm.

“It’s okay.” The lady said and the three walked back towards the building.

“But what about him? Why isn’t he coming in with us?” Brendon asked confused.

“Listen, that’s Ryan. He’s- a bit different, okay?” the lady said.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing is wrong with him. He just had to go through some really bad things.”

“What things?”

“I think that’s not our business, Brendon.” His father said as they walked back in through the front door.

“Hey, where have you been?” his mother asked.

“I was playing with Ryan.” Brendon said, still somewhat confused.

“Who’s Ryan?” she asked but his father whispered something to her and she nodded.

“Want to go back to the other kids?” Mrs Urie asked her son but Brendon shook his head eagerly.

“No. I want to play with Ryan.”

“Honey, I don’t really think that he was playing.” The lady said, sitting down in front of Brendon, so he had to look down at her.

“What? No. He hid under the bridge because we were playing hide and seek.” He said and shook his head.

“Brendon, he hid there because he was scared. He always does that.”

“Why is he scared?”

She sighed.

“He doesn’t have to be scared. I’ll go get him.” Brendon said and made and attempt to leave but the lady held him back.

“He won’t come out. We have to wait.”

“But I want him to come out.”

The lady looked up at Brendon’s parents and got up.

“Could I talk to you for a moment.” She asked them and they looked at each other before Mrs Urie bend down to her son.

“We’ll be right back okay? Just go back into the main room, alright?”

Brendon nodded and watched them follow the lady into another room.

He pouted and looked back to the front door. Grinning to himself, he went to the door, opened it and ran back to the playground and to the stream.

Looking under the bridge, he saw that Ryan was still there.

“Hey Ryan.”

Ryan’s eyes widened and he drew back a little more.

“Why are you scared, Ryan? No one does something to you.”

Ryan just stared.

“If I promise not to hurt you, will you come out?”

Brendon smiled at him but Ryan just shook his head, scared.

“But why not?”

Ryan looked down and held his knees tighter to his small body. Brendon thought a few seconds before he began to crawl under the bridge as well.

Ryan just crawled back till he was about to fall into the water.

“Be careful!” Brendon said and his hand snapped out to hold Ryan back by his arm.

The brown haired boy whimpered quietly and Brendon pulled at his arm to get him away from the water.

“Come here or you’ll fall into the water and then you’ll be wet and get a cold.”

Slowly Ryan came a bit closer but was obviously getting a distance between them.

“Are you even talking?”

Ryan didn’t move.

“I bet you’re really good at hide and seek, too.”

No reaction. Brendon turned his head away so he looked at the water. The fishes were still swimming through the stream and Brendon smiled.

“You see those?” he asked Ryan who turned his head in the direction where Brendon pointed.

“They are moving funny, don’t they?”

Ryan looked at them a few seconds and then nodded.

“I really think we should get out of here, it’s kind of gloomy.” Brendon said and crawled out from under the bridge.

“You coming?”

Nothing happened.

“Oh come on. Let’s go to the swings! I could bump you so you could get really high!”

Ryan began to crawl towards Brendon but stopped in his tracks before the light could fall on his face. His gaze met Brendon’s.

“Pleeeeeeeeeease!”

Then Ryan finally crawled all the way out and stood up. When he looked out from under his bangs, Brendon saw his eyes properly for the first time.

“Aw, your eyes are so pretty. They remind me of honey. I love honey. It’s so sweet.”

Ryan just stared at him.

“My eyes look like chocolate, at least that’s what mom said once. You think honey and chocolate would taste good together?”

At that Brendon could see a little smile creep over Ryan’s lips and he beamed at the honey eyed boy.

“You smiled!”

Brendon threw his hands triumphant in the air and suddenly Ryan was gone again.

“Ryan?”

He bend down to look under the bridge again and there sat the boy.

“Oh not again.”

***

Meanwhile, the adults watched the boys from afar.

“Brendon is a nice boy. No one ever noticed Ryan, let alone talked to him before.” The lady, Miss Welsh, said.

“That’s sad.” Said Mrs Urie.

They watched Brendon’r try to convince Ryan that he should come out and Mrs Urie turned to Miss Welsh again. 

“What happened to the boy?”

Miss Welsh just sighed.

“That’s not the nicest of stories. His mother left when he was five and his father began to drink and hit him.”

“Poor thing.”

“Sadly, that’s not all. When his father left to get drunk, he always brought Ryan over to their neighbours and the man there, well, did some things to him as well.”

“You mean- “

“Yes. He hit him and did- you know?”

“My god.”

“When he was seven, he found his father in their living room, dead. He drank too much. After that he first lived with his grandparents, but they didn’t want him. They said they couldn’t live with the boy, because he wouldn’t speak to them, let alone let them touch him. They brought him here.”

Mrs Urie held her hand up to cover her mouth in shock.

“Who does that?”

“The sad thing is, that no matter how much we try, how nice we try to be, he won’t talk to us. He doesn’t even talk to the kids and he doesn’t play with them. He’s always alone and every time a family visits he hides somewhere till they’re gone.”

“I don’t know if we are the right family for him.” Mr. Urie said thoughtfully.

“Well, I don’t know it either, but I think it’s worth a try. Look.” Miss Welsh said with a smile, pointing to the boys.

Ryan stood now in front of Brendon, head down.

“Brendon made him come out.” Miss Welsh said with a smile.

Mr. and Mrs Urie looked at the scene with an unsure expression.

“Listen, Ryan needs a family. He finally needs to settle down and this isn’t the right place for him to do so and I think that he might like your son.”

Meanwhile, Ryan was back under the bridge and Brendon tried to convince him again.

“I think we should talk to Brendon about it. That’s quite a big decision and I want to know what he thinks about it.” Brendon’s mother said and called for his son, who was running towards them, a little bit sad.

“Brendon, honey, can we talk?”

“About what?”

“About Ryan.”

“He came out! But I think I did something wrong because he hid again.” The dark haired boy looked at the ground, fiddling with his hands.

“It was because you raised your hands.” Miss Welsh said and Brendon looked up at her, confused. “He probably thought that you wanted to hit him.”

The boy’s eyes grew wide.

“What? No!”

“I know you didn’t want to but it scared him.”

Brendon looked down again.

“Brendon, do you like Ryan?” his mother asked.

“Yeah. All the other kids are so annoying.”

His father laughed softly.

“And he has beautiful eyes. They look like honey. You think honey and chocolate would taste good together?” the boy babbled.

“Brendon, what would you say if we would take Ryan home with us?”

Brendon’s eyes grew wide.

“Really?”

“We didn’t make the decision yet, but we thought about it as an option, since you seem to like him.”

“But I don’t think he likes me.”

“He came out from under the bridge. No one was ever able to do that. Yes, he’s still scared, but I think you have a good chance to make him trust you.” Miss Welsh said with a smile.

“You think?”

“Yes. It will take some time, but I think you two could be friends.”

Brendon beamed and turned back to his parents.

“We have to take him with us!”

The two adults looked at each other.

“How are we going to make him go with us if he won’t even come out from under the bridge?” Mrs Urie asked.

“I have to admit, that could be quite a problem.”

Brendon looked at them with a sad expression and turned his attention to the bridge again. He smiled when he saw Ryan’s head stick out from under it, looking at him. The dark haired boy tucked at his mother’s shirt and pointed at the other boy.

“Can I go to Ryan?”

She looked at the bridge and then back to her son.

“Sure.”

The young boy beamed and was immediately running towards the stream again.

Ryan watched him a bit scared, but he didn’t withdraw his head.

“Heeeeey! My parents said that they want you to come with us!”

Ryan looked at him, confused and still scared.

“Please, Ryan. You have to!”

Ryan stared at him and then got out a little bit more to look at the adults, still standing together, talking.

The boy hugged himself and he seemed so vulnerable and scared that Brendon couldn’t stand it.

“Ryan, what happened to you?”

When he asked, the other’s eyes got wide with fear and he was about to crawl back under the bridge but Brendon held him back by his arm.

“Please don’t go back down there.”

Ryan tried to struggle free but gave up when he looked at Brendon.

“Please, Ryan. I may don’t know you, but I can see that you don’t like it here. You’d like our house. It’s big and old and you can hide there pretty good. And my parents? They won’t hurt you. Do you see any bruises on me?”

Ryan looked at him and shook his head.

“You see?”

Ryan bit his lip and looked back to Brendon’s parents.

Then, suddenly, Brendon held his hand out for Ryan to take.

“Come with me?”

The other boy still hugged himself and stared at Brendon’s hand.

“You have to take it, idiot. I’ll introduce you to my parents.”

Ryan seemed to think about it, biting his lip hard.

“You can hide behind my back if you want.”

The honey eyed boy looked at the other one again and Brendon smiled at him.

Ryan took a deep breath and withdrew his hand from himself to place it in Brendon’s.

The dark haired boy beamed and began to tug Ryan in the direction of the adults softly.

“You’ll love them. My mom makes the best hot chocolate and my dad is the best at playing catch.”

Ryan’s grip tightened a bit and Brendon slowed his steps a bit.

When they were close enough, the boy began to speak.

“Mom, dad, that’s Ryan. Ryan, these are my parents.”

Ryan took a step back but held onto Brendon’s hand.

“Hey Ryan.” Mrs Urie said as she kneeled down. “How are you?”

Of course, the boy didn’t answer, but the woman’s smile didn’t disappear.

The honey eyed boy just stared at her and held onto Brendon’s hand for dear life.

“We thought that … maybe you would like to come home with us?”

Ryan squeezed Brendon’s hand tighter.

“Ouch. You’re breaking my hand.” Brendon whispered.

“I think we should stop. Brendon, what about you stay out here with Ryan? Mr. and Mrs Urie, I would like to talk to you.” Miss Welsh said and began to walk to the front door again.

When the adults were gone, Brendon turned to Ryan, puzzled expression on his face.

“What was wrong?”

But the other boy didn’t answer, he just looked at the floor.

“Ryan, you want to find a home?”

Ryan’s head snapped up and he nodded.

“Then why are you doing this? Why won’t you come with us?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and looked away.

***

“What do you think?” Miss Welsh asked as they sat in her office.

“I really don’t know if he is the right kid.” Mrs Urie said. “I mean, he was scared, he- “

“I can’t force you. I want you to think about it and I think that he has to think about it as well.”

“What do you suggest?” Mr. Urie asked.

“Go home. Think about it. Think about if you even want to adopt a child. Many families come here and then they leave and don’t want it anymore. When you made a decision, come back.”

Brendon’s parents looked at each other and nodded.

“Okay, yes I think that’d be good. Thank you.” Said Mr. Urie.

“Anytime.”

***

“Brendon, come on, we’re leaving.” Mrs Urie called.

The boy’s head snapped up and he saw that his parents were already standing by the car.

“Would you wait here for a moment?” he asked the other boy. Ryan bit his lip and nodded.

Brendon turned and ran towards his parents.

“Why are we leaving? Is Ryan coming with us?”

His mother bend down to him.

“We can’t just take him with us now. We have to think about it and he has to think about it too.”

“But we’ll come back to get him, right?”

“I hope so.” She said and sighed.

“Okay, I’ll tell him, okay?”

She nodded and he was already running back towards the other boy.

“We’re leaving, but we are coming back to get you.” Brendon said.

Ryan looked at him thoughtfully with a little bit fear in his eyes.

“That means, if you want us to be your family.”

Ryan didn’t move.

“Brendon?” Mrs Urie called again.

“I have to go.” Brendon said and wrapped his arms around Ryan for a hug. The boy got tense in his embrace but Brendon didn’t let go just yet.

When he finally let go, Ryan took a step back and looked at the floor.

“Think about it, okay?”

And with that, Brendon walked over to his parent’s car and climbed into the backseat.

Ryan watched as the car sped down the road and even as he couldn’t see it anymore, he still stood there, staring at the street with his honey eyes.

“This is your chance to have a normal life. Don’t mess up. It may be the only chance you’ll get.” He heard Miss Welsh’s voice and turned around to look at her. She smiled happily at him.

Ryan just walked back to the bridge, he shouldn’t have gotten out from there in the first place. 

***

With every day that passed, Brendon got more restless. He asked his parents everyday if they made a decision yet, but they always told him that they had to think a little more.

A week passed and like every day, Brendon asked his parents about Ryan.

They were eating dinner when Brendon spoke.

“So, what about Ryan?”

Mr. Urie sighed and brought his fork down.

“Brendon, I think we talked about this.”

“Yes, I know. You need to think about it. Really? What’s there to think about?”

“We can’t just pick the first kid you like.”

“This is not just about me or you. This is about Ryan. He needs a home. He needs a family. He needs someone.”

Mr. Urie stared at his eight year old son, amazed about what he just said.

Now his wife looked at their son as well.

“Brendon- “

“What?”

“Honey, he’s right.” She said to her husband.

He just looked at her sceptical.

“Yes, Brendon. You’re right. Totally right. I mean. I think I would regret it my whole life if we would just leave him there. He needs us.”

Brendon beamed at her and then looked at his father, pleadingly.

He seemed to think for a few seconds but then he caught himself.

“Of course.”

“So?” the young boy asked.

“I’ll call the orphanage immediately.” His mother said with a big smile and got up from the table.

“I’m sorry, but you have to understand. It won’t be easy. Ryan may even be mentally disturbed or something. Just- “

“I understand, dad.”

He smiled at his son.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Mrs Urie came back in.

“I told Miss Welsh that we’ll get him tomorrow morning.” Then she turned to Brendon. “She said that Ryan missed you.”

Brendon looked up at her.

“What? Really?”

“Yes, she said he was staring at the street for most of the time.”

The boy had to grin and suddenly he couldn’t wait for the next morning.

***

“Are we there yet?” Brendon asked the tenth time in a row.

“I told you, just another ten minutes.” Mr. Urie said from the driver seat, growling under his breath. Mrs Urie was just smiling to herself. She was proud to see her son so eager.

“But I can’t wait anymore!” Brendon moaned.

“If everything turns out right, you’ll see him more than enough.”

“Can’t you just drive faster?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“Brendon!”

“Okay, okay”

Brendon started to sing to himself and Mr. Urie just sighed.

“I hope he won’t annoy us anymore when Ryan is with us.”

“Don’t say that.” Mrs Urie snapped, even if she knew that her husband was just joking.

“Sorry, sorry”

They turned into the orphanage’s parking lot about five minutes later. Brendon jumped out of the car immediately and looked around.

“Come on!” He said happily, tugging at his mother’s sleeve.

“Calm down.” She said with a smile but her son was already running towards the front door.

“Hello Brendon” Miss Welsh said with a smile. “Did you leave your parents at home?”

“No, here we are.” Said his father as they walked in as well.

“Where’s Ryan?” Brendon asked eagerly.

“Actually, I don’t know. I think you should find out.”

The boy nodded and was running out of the door before the adults could even blink.

He ran across the grass till he saw the playground and a smile crept over his face.

“Ryaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” he yelled.

He didn’t have to search much because the honey eyed boy sat at one of the swings. When he heard Brendon call his name, he looked up.

“Heeeey!” said Brendon and beamed at him.

Ryan just smiled briefly and then looked down at his notebook again, scribbling something down.

“What are you doing?”

Ryan just shook his head and closed the notebook. He turned to Brendon and stared at him.

“What?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and looked away.

“So, are you coming with us?” Brendon asked, nervous.

The other boy didn’t react. He just continued to stare at nothing and it drove Brendon crazy.

Then Ryan turned to him again and nodded with a smile.

“R-really?”

He nodded again.

“We have to tell my parents! Come on!”

He took Ryan’s hand and tried to pull him along but the other boy didn’t move.

“What? Let’s go.”

Ryan just looked down.

“If you want to live with us, you have to see them, anyway.”

The brown haired boy bit his lip and Brendon tried to tug him along again. This time, he succeeded and they walked towards the front door.

Brendon’s parents were still standing there, talking to Miss Welsh.

“Look who we’ve got here.” The lady said with a warm smile.

Ryan didn’t look up but he didn’t try to run away either.

Mrs Urie looked at his son with a questioning expression.

“He wants to come with us, right?” Brendon looked at Ryan and the other boy nodded, still not looking up.

“Are you sure? You don’t look so convinced, Ryan. If Brendon just made you, then- ” began Mr. Urie but Ryan shook his head eagerly. 

“So, you’re sure?”

He nodded.

Miss Welsh beamed.

“I’ll set up the papers, would you follow me, please?”

Brendon’s parents nodded and followed the lady.

The dark haired boy jumped in front of Ryan and took both of his hands in his own, jumping up and down.

“We’re going to be brothers!”

Ryan just watched him a little bit confused.

“Why aren’t you happy?”

Looking away, Ryan began to bite his lip again.

“And why are you still not talking to me?”

The brown haired boy looked up and shook his head slightly, pleading look on his face.

“Well, it’s okay, I guess. You have to deal with the fact, that I talk a lot. Anyway, shouldn’t you pack your stuff or something?”

Ryan nodded and went straight to the stairs. Brendon followed him up the stairs and into the last room on the left.

When they entered, Brendon was slightly surprised. The room was almost completely bare. Just a few notebooks were lying around.

“You’re not into things, huh?”

Ryan smiled briefly and began to pack his notebooks in a backpack before he opened his closet to throw his clothes into a suitcase.

Soon he was finished and stood in the middle of the room, suitcase in one hand and backpack over his shoulder.

“Let me carry that.” The other boy said and took the suitcase from Ryan.

Then they left the room and went down the stairs. Brendon’s parents weren’t there, they were probably still with Miss Welsh.

***

“Okay, you have to sign here … and here … and … here.” Miss Welsh said as Brendon’s parents read through the adoption papers.

“I’ll have to come by for a few times to look if he’s alright, but I don’t think that it’ll be a problem.”

Mr. and Mrs Urie nodded.

“Oh and there is another thing. There are a few medications he has for a few situations.”

“Which would be?” Mrs Urie asked.

“Nothing big, just some special sleeping pills, he often has sleeping problems. Then some pills for him to calm down, he almost never needed them, but I have to give them to you.

And then, most important, these pills.” She got three little bottles out of her desk and pointed at one of them.

“These are against dreams. He has to take one every evening before he goes to bed.”

“Why?”

“His mind is quite disturbed and all the memories come back when he dreams, so these are very important, okay?”

They nodded.

“I think that would be it, then. I’m so happy that he finally found a loving family. Especially with Brendon. I think Ryan might really like him. I never saw him open up to a person so fast.”

“Open up? This is opening up?” Mr. Urie asked.

“Well, yes. It’s a big step for him.”

Mrs Urie sent his husband a glare before she shook hands with Miss Welsh to thank her and they walked out of the office.

Ryan and Brendon were waiting in the hall.

Brendon looked up as the adults came into the room and smiled. Ryan just stared at the floor.

“So, you ready, boys?” Mr. Urie asked with a smile.

“Yep” the brown haired boy said immediately.

“Ryan?”

Ryan flinched and looked up briefly, before he looked down again and nodded.

“Alright then. Let’s go home.”

Mr. Urie took the suitcase and they walked out of the orphanage.

Ryan was holding Brendon’s hand, squeezing it to death again.

“Ryan?”

The boys turned when Miss Welsh called Ryan’s name.

“Good luck.” She said and smiled one last time before she walked back in.

Ryan watched her. He didn’t feel bad about it. He had never really liked her. She got frustrated with him way too easy. He turned to Brendon again and followed him to the car that would lead him to his new life.

***

The car parked in front of a big old house a few minutes away from town.

Ryan immediately felt intimidated and he wanted nothing more than just be back in his familiar bed in the orphanage. But he quickly erased that thought.

This would be his home from now on.

Not many other houses were around and behind the house seemed to be a big forest.

Ryan swallowed and looked to his side. Next to him, Brendon was smiling.

“There we are” Mr. Urie said and got out of the car to get the suitcase out of the trunk.

His wife got out as well. She opened the door on Brendon’s side and the boy jumped out of the car, turning around to look at Ryan.

“Come on.”

Ryan climbed out slowly and eyed the big house again. It had to be scary at night.

The boy flinched as the door behind him fell shut and he quickly searched for something as support. He found Brendon’s hand and followed his new family into the house.

“Welcome home, Ryan.” Mrs Urie said as she led them into a big hall.

Ryan’s eyes widened and he asked himself why they had such a big house.

“So, uhm. I read that your first name is George, but you don’t like being called that, huh?” she asked with a warm smile.

His eyes grew big and he nodded eagerly.

“So, my name’s Linda and my husband’s name is Henry. I’d prefer you to call us mom and dad, but you don’t have to.”

The boy just nodded again.

“Oh and if you want to annoy Brendon a bit, his second name is Boyd.” She said with a grin.

“Mooooooom!” Brendon moaned but Linda’s smile just grew wider.

Ryan began to smile and when Brendon saw that he had to grin as well.

“Come on. I’ll show you your room.”

Brendon tugged at Ryan’s hand and led him up a big staircase.

“I’m sure you think this house is scary, but it’s not so bad. It’s awesome for hide and seek!”

Ryan just eyed the hall they were currently walking along and he asked himself again, why the Urie’s had such a big house.

“That’s my room.” Brendon said, pointing to a door.

“And this is yours”

He pointed to the door next to his and opened the door for Ryan to enter first.

The room was twice as big as his room at the orphanage. There was a bed, a nightstand, a desk, a bookshelf and another door.

Ryan pointed to the door and frowned.

“Oh. That’s your walk-in-closet.” Brendon said with a smile.

“I have one as well. Open it, it’s awesome.”

Ryan opened the door and a small room appeared. He eyed the shelves and the boxes and then turned to Brendon again.

“Don’t hide in there when we play, though. It’s too easy.”

Ryan had to smile. Brendon really liked to hide.

“Leave your backpack here. I’ll show you the house.”

Ryan threw his backpack on the bed and left the room after Brendon, who opened the door to his room.

“As you know, this is my room.”

The room looked almost exactly like Ryan’s, just not as empty. There were posters of cartoon characters on the walls and clothes were lying around.

“Sorry that it’s so dirty. Come on.”

Brendon took Ryan’s hand again and led him out of the room and into a room across from his.

“This is the bathroom. Down the hall is another one but this one is ours.”

Ryan couldn’t believe it, they had their own bathroom. Man, this family had too much money.

“Next to it is the music room. I don’t really know why we have one. My parents don’t play instruments. I think it was already there when we moved in. Instruments and stuff.”

Brendon opened the door and Ryan could just see a large piano before the other boy closed the door again.

Brendon walked down the hall and past the big staircase. Ryan noticed another door across from the staircase, but he didn’t ask.

“This is the parents’ bedroom, my dad’s office and the other bathroom. And these two rooms are guestrooms.” Brendon babbled.

Ryan didn’t really have time to take in the rooms, because Brendon was way too fast, closing the doors again.

“And there is the balcony. We have one as well, but it isn’t really safe there. It has to be fixed. You have to know, we just live here for like two month.”

Ryan nodded and opened the door to the balcony. It was half as big as his room. There was a small table and two chairs.

“Alright, come on. You should unpack. I’ll show you the ground floor after dinner.”

Brendon was walking in the direction of their rooms again, but Ryan stopped at the door across from the staircase.

“Ry- oh. That door leads to the stairs to the attic. Dad locked it. I don’t know why.”

Ryan looked at the door again and then he followed Brendon into their area of the house. “Do you want me to help you unpack?”

Ryan shook his head and went into his room, closing the door behind him.

He took a deep breath and walked over to the bed. His suitcase was lying next to the bed on the floor. Mr. Urie had brought it up already.

The boy let himself fall backwards and then he just lay there on the bed. He closed his eyes for a while. He didn’t want to unpack now. He didn’t even know if he really wanted to stay here. Sure, Brendon was nice to him, but how would all of this work if he was scared of his new parents and wouldn’t even talk a single word to anyone.

Sure he could talk. He talked to himself sometimes at the orphanage when he was in his room at night, but since his father died and his grandparents brought him to the orphanage, he didn’t talk to people. He just didn’t want to do it. It would mean that he trusted them, and hell, he didn’t trust people.

“Ryan! Dinner’s ready!” Brendon called, knocking on the door.

Ryan sighed and got up to eat with his new family for the first time. 

***

Dinner was rather quiet and a bit weird.

Mrs Urie tried to talk to Ryan but the boy wouldn’t answer, just look at her from time to time. Mr. Urie didn’t say a single word the whole time and Brendon tried to fill the silence with a few senseless facts he heard somewhere.

When they were finished, Brendon showed Ryan the ground floor briefly and then they went to their rooms. Ryan fell onto his bed again and began to hug his pillow. It didn’t smell familiar. Nothing was familiar. Everything was new and somehow that made Ryan feel more alone than he already felt.

He sat up when he heard the old door creak open.

“Ryan?” a voice asked. It was Brendon, obviously.

Ryan looked down and waited for the boy to sit down next to him on the bed. The honey eyed boy was still holding the distance as well as he could.

“Mom told me to remind you not to forget to take these.” Brendon said and held a small bottle of pills out for Ryan to take. The other boy took them and placed them on his nightstand.

“Why do you need to take them?”

Ryan just stared at his hands.

“They prevent dreams.” Came Mrs Urie’s voice from the door and both boys looked up.

Brendon’s expression was confused and he looked back to Ryan.

“Why? Don’t you like do dream?”

“It’s not that, honey. Ryan has some bad memories which would hunt him in his dreams. He would get nightmares without the pills.” Linda said, smiling sadly.

“Nightmares? Aw, my poor baby brother.” Brendon said and hugged Ryan from the side. The boy got tense and closed his eyes.

“Actually, he’s a year older then you, Brendon.” His mother said.

“What?”

She nodded.

But Brendon just hugged Ryan tighter.

“I don’t care, you’re my baby brother anyway.”

Mrs Urie laughed and watched the boys for a few seconds before she left the room, still smiling.

“Ryan, why don’t you hug me back?” Brendon asked after a while. He still seemed to hope that Ryan would talk to him.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and asked himself the question again.

Why didn’t he hug back? Why didn’t he talk? Why-

Right, because he was scared of getting hurt. Again.

“Do you want to sleep now?”

Ryan thought for a moment and then nodded. Brendon sat back and grinned.

“Goodnight then. Don’t forget to take your pills. I don’t want you to have nightmares.”

Then he jumped up and left the room, waving Ryan goodbye.

Ryan sat on his bed for a long time after that, thinking.

He didn’t want to sleep. He was scared. Everything was unfamiliar and new. He thought about sneaking into Brendon’s room, but forgot the thought fast after thinking it.

It would mean that he trusted Brendon, and as innocent as the boy was, he just couldn’t.

So he took one pill and lay down in his new bed, staring at the ceiling.

After a while he felt a bit tired and closed his eyes. Shortly after that he was asleep.

***

When Ryan woke up he let out a loud whimper because someone was standing on front of his bed.

“Good morning! It’s just me. I was already awake. You’re not a morning person, huh? I am. I’m always up early.” Brendon babbled and Ryan relaxed a bit.

“So, you want to eat breakfast? Mom asked if she should go get pink doughnuts. Do you like them? I love them!”

Ryan was fascinated by the fact that Brendon could talk so much so early. He nodded slightly and Brendon beamed.

“Doughnuts!” and then he was running out of the room and Ryan could hear him yell “Mom, go get the doughnuts!”

The brown haired boy smiled to himself and got up. He looked around and sighed. He couldn’t do much more, because Brendon was back in the room, still smiling.

“What do you want to do today? We should go outside, or play hide and seek, or play hide and seek outside!”

Ryan just stared at him, mouth slightly open. This kid was too hyperactive for his liking.

“What? We can do something else, but you have to tell me.” Brendon said with a smile.

“Am I annoying you? Dad sais I can annoy people pretty good.”

Ryan shook his head when he saw the sad expression on the other boy’s face. Brendon beamed and began to tug at Ryan’s sleeve. The honey eyed boy retreated a bit and Brendon let go.

“Alright, I’ll leave so you can change out of your pyjamas.” Brendon said and left the room.

Ryan stared at the door for a moment and then he began to open his suitcase. He didn’t have many clothes. And he didn’t like the ones he owned.

He took a red shirt that was too big and the only jeans that fit and went out of the room.

He looked down the hall and saw no one. Just as he wanted to retreat back to his room, he saw that the door to the attic was open. Ryan looked around again and walked towards the door slowly.

When he stood in front of it, he looked up the dark stairs. They looked old and as if they would break when you step on them. He put a hand on the doorframe and tried to see something in the dark that the stairs led into, but everything was black.

“Oh hey”

Ryan got tense and turned around. In front of him stood Mr. Urie with a big box in his hands. He probably wanted to bring it up there. Mr. Urie smiled, but Ryan was already running down the hall and into his room. Breathing heavily, he slid down his door and buried his face in his hands.

“Ryan?”

The boy jumped at the voice and crawled away from the door. It opened and Brendon stood there.

“Mom’s back. Doughnuts!”

Ryan didn’t want to eat something but Brendon was already tugging him along.

***

They sat on the table, eating breakfast. Brendon was chewing happily, because he finally had his beloved doughnuts. Mr. Urie was reading the newspaper, ignoring everything around him. Ryan tried to eat, looking around every now and then and Mrs Urie was watching him.

“Ryan, honey, is something wrong?”

Ryan stopped in his tracks and looked at her, slowly shaking his head.

“You don’t look very happy. Maybe it was the wrong decision.”

Ryan thought for a moment. Was it?

He shook his head again and Mrs Urie sighed.

“Okay then”

They ate in silence for a few more minutes when Linda began to speak again.

“So, I thought that when school starts again, I talk to the director about you being in the same class as Brendon. I think that would be good.”

Brendon just smiled as he ate and even Ryan sighed contently.

“Alright, I’ll leave for work.” Mr. Urie said and got up. He kissed his son on the head and looked at Ryan before he headed for the front door.

“Bye!” Brendon yelled with his mouth full.

“So boys, any plans for the day?” Mrs Urie asked, resting her head on her hands.

“Yes, I think we should go outside!” Brendon said and Mrs Urie nodded.

“But be careful.”

Brendon rolled his eyes.

“I won’t break my leg again, I swear.”

She just laughed and got up to clean the table.

“Then have fun boys.”

“We will!” Brendon yelled and took Ryan’s hand to tug him along.

He stopped at the front door.

“Okay, I’ll tell you the rules. One of us hides and the other one counts to 20. Don’t go too far into the forest, or you won’t find out. Happened to me once, but I didn’t cry.” Brendon said and he looked proud.

Ryan nodded and they went outside.

“I’ll hide first. Close your eyes and start counting. It would be easier if you would talk … but I think it’ll work.”

The other boy nodded again and closed his eyes, counting in his head.

He head footsteps running away and he got a little bit scared.

When he was finished he opened his eyes and looked around. He saw no one.

Rounding the house, he thought about a place where Brendon could hide, but he didn’t know this place. How was he supposed to find the other boy.

He found a small wooden door in the backyard. It looked kind of like a trap door. He kneed down next to it and began to push against it but it wouldn’t open. He sighed and got up again, rounding the house again, but finding nothing. Then he slowly walked towards the forest. He walked in about a metre and the decided that Brendon wasn’t there so he walked back to the house.

He stopped in front of the trap door again and began to kick at it with his foot but nothing happened.

Then he got frustrated. He didn’t want to play anymore. He began to kick harder and suddenly the floor was gone and he fell.

Before he could do anything he hit the ground and couched a few times.

Scared, he looked up but the door was too high, he wouldn’t be able to reach it.

Looking around, he noticed that he had to be in some sort of basement. Everything was dark and spider webs were everywhere.

Ryan retreated further but hit against something and when he looked around, several eyes were staring at him.

He began to scream and tried to crawl away but he hit something else and things were falling onto him and hit the ground. He heard glass shatter and felt a pain in his hand.

Tears were running down his cheeks and he was sobbing and shaking violently.

“Ryan?” he heard a voice call from the trap door but his only reaction was to cry out again.

“Oh no! Mom!”

Ryan heard the footsteps leave and he was alone again.

Several minutes, he just sat there. Crying, sobbing and shaking.

Then he heard a soft bump and arms wrapped around him.

“Ryan, I’m sorry.” He heard Brendon say and whimpered again.

“Mom will be here soon, Shh”

Ryan began to claw at Brendon’s shirt and didn’t let go.

When he heard a slam he tried to hide in the other boy’s shoulder. Then there were steps and light.

“Oh god, what happened?” Mrs Urie’s voice came.

“He fell down here.” Brendon answered.

“But the door was locked all the time.”

Ryan looked up a bit and saw that the eyes he saw belonged to some mannequins that were standing in a corner.

“Ryan! You’re bleeding!” Brendon yelled and when Ryan looked down he saw glass fragments around him and his left hand was covered in blood.

“Brendon, get him out of here.”

Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist and pulled him off the ground. He laid an arm around Ryan’s shoulders and helped him out of the room. The door that led into the basement looked as if it just had been slammed out of its frame.

“This door was locked ever since.” Brendon murmured but Ryan couldn’t hear him properly. He was tense and still shaking slightly.

Brendon helped him up the small staircase to the ground floor and into the living room. Ryan fell onto the couch, still shaking.

“Everything is okay now.” Brendon whispered and then Mrs Urie stormed into the room with a first aid kit.

She kneed in front of Ryan and grabbed his hand. The boy tried to retreat it but her other hand shot out and held his arm in place.

“I have to get the glass fragments out.” She said and suddenly she held some tweezers in her hand and began to tug the glass out of the wounds.

Ryan was breathing heavily and whimpered every now and then.

Mrs Urie disinfected the wound and then wrapped some bandages around his hand.

“So, done.” She said but didn’t let go of his hand.

“Ryan?”

He just stared into space, still shaking slightly.

“Brendon, help him go into his room. I think he should rest a bit to calm down.”

Brendon nodded and helped Ryan get up.

“And don’t forget his pills!”

Brendon nodded and helped Ryan climb the stairs.

***

Ryan didn’t fall asleep immediately. It took him over two hours till he was finally sleeping.

Brendon sat on the floor in front of the other boy’s bed and watched him.

Even in his sleep he looked vulnerable and scared and Brendon just didn’t understand what was wrong.

He got up and left the room, closing the door silently behind himself. Then he went down the stairs and into the kitchen where his mother was preparing dinner.

“Mom? What’s wrong with Ryan?”

“We had this conversation.” She said without looking at her son.

“Yes, you said that bad things happened to him, but I want to know what exactly happened.” He started to get frustrated.

“He- he got hurt.”

“How? What happened?”

“Honey, listen. He got hurt by several people who were supposed to protect him and look after him. He trusted those people and they destroyed him. Do you understand?”

Brendon just stared at her.

“Who hurt him?”

“Brendon, go to your room.”

“No! I need to know!”

Now she began to get frustrated. She couldn’t just tell her eight year old son what Ryan went through. She already said too much. He would start asking the other boy things and Ryan would get scared and retreat further from all of them.

“Brendon, you just need to know that you have to look after him, because you are the only one he trusts a little bit. Your dad and I can’t really help him, not yet.”

Brendon looked as if he didn’t understand a single thing and Mrs Urie sighed.

“You’ll understand one day.”

The boy nodded with a sad expression and left the room.

***

When Ryan woke up he heard screaming and suddenly got scared.

“Hey”

Ryan flinched and looked around. When his eyes fell on Brendon, who sat on his desk chair, he relaxed.

“They’re just arguing.”

Ryan shot him a look as if saying ‘Why?’

Brendon got up and went to the door.

“Let’s find out.”

When he left the room, Ryan didn’t know if he should follow or just stay in his room. He decided that staying in his room would be easier and so he waited.

In the meanwhile, Brendon crept down the hall and down the stairs. He pressed himself against the wall next to the living room door and listened.

“I thought you locked the door when we moved in!” Linda said.

“I did!” her husband said, slightly angry.

“Then explain to me how Ryan could fall down there!”

“I don’t know! Maybe the lock was rusty. It’s not my fault.”

“We were lucky that I was able to open the door in the basement.”

“I don’t get your problem. Everything is okay, isn’t it? He’s still alive.”

“Yes” Mrs Urie said in a sharp voice.

“Linda, I really think that it was a bad idea to take him with us. Sure, he needs a family, but we’re not the right one.”

Brendon’s eyed grew wide but he remained silent.

“What?! Are you saying that we are bringing him back?” Linda yelled.

“I think it would be the best.”

“Henry, I am not leaving this boy alone! What is wrong with you?”

“I am thinking logical!”

“No! You think that you can’t handle it. Just because he isn’t the perfect son, doesn’t mean that we can just give him away again! What if Brendon would be like him? Would you abandon him?”

“Of course not! He is my son!”

Mrs Urie was silent for a few seconds before she began to yell again.

“Do you even have a heart?! This conversation is so over.”

“Linda- ”

“Ryan stays!”

When Brendon heard steps he ran up the stairs again and into Ryan’s room.

The other boy was still sitting in his bed, eyes wide.

Brendon jumped onto the bed and wrapped his arms around the thin boy. Ryan still didn’t hug back but Brendon didn’t care. He held onto the boy for dear life and didn’t say a word. 

***

Mr. and Mrs Urie never said anything about their argument to the kids and in no time, a month passed.

Brendon was now used to Ryan and the fact that the boy didn’t talk. They often just sat in Brendon’s room. Brendon would play with his game boy and Ryan would just sit there next to him.

Then there were times where they went outside. Brendon was always talking and running around, when Ryan just sat there in the grass and watched him.

They couldn’t be more different, but it fit.

Ryan started to feel as if someone cared, he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Mrs Urie noticed all of this of course. Ryan wouldn’t open up to her in the slightest but it made her happy to see that he did it to Brendon.

In the shortest time the boys were inseparable.

It was a Friday and in a week school would start again. The boys sat in Brendon’s room.

Brendon was playing some game on his game boy Ryan didn’t understand, so he just let his head fall on Brendon’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

When the door opened, they looked up.

“Hey boys” Mrs Urie said with a smile.

“Hey mom” Brendon said, looking at his game boy again.

“So uhm, would you mind if we go out tonight?”

Brendon looked up briefly.

“Where are you going?”

“Just to some restaurant and the cinema afterwards.”

“I think we’re okay.” The boy said with a look at Ryan, who nodded sleepily.

“Okay then, we’ll leave at 8 pm.”

“Okay”

She smiled and left the room.

Brendon played for ten more minutes and the shut then game boy off. He looked beside himself and saw that Ryan was sleeping on his shoulder.

First he smiled to himself, but then he got tense and began to shake Ryan awake.

“Wake up.”

Ryan blinked a few times and looked at Brendon as if he was crazy.

“You can’t just fall asleep like that, you’ll get nightmares.” Brendon said simply.

Ryan looked down and nodded.

Suddenly, Brendon felt bad for waking him and thought about something to make it better with.

“Uhm, what about we make a sleepover tonight?”

Ryan looked up, confused.

“I mean, you could sleep in my room and we could stay up late and tell stories- I could tell stories.”

The honey eyed boy smiled and nodded.

“Awesome!”

***

“And you’re really okay with it?” Linda asked the boys.

“Of course” Brendon said, smiling innocently.

“Come on, we’ll be late.” Mr. Urie said to his wife.

“Okay. Take care of yourselves. Ryan, don’t forget to take your pills.”

Ryan nodded.

“Goodnight, then.”

She waved them goodbye and closed the door behind them.

“Now we have the house to ourselves!” Brendon yelled and Ryan flinched briefly.

“What should we do now?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and looked around.

“Okay, let’s go upstairs, it’s less scary.”

They climbed the stairs and stopped there.

Brendon turned to Ryan and began to grin.

“I have an idea.”

Ryan tilted his head to the side, asking what he meant.

“We should explore the attic.”

Ryan frowned.

“I know, it’s locked, but I think I know where dad hides the keys. Come on.”

Brendon ran off and Ryan followed slowly. He just saw how Brendon ran into the office and when he wanted to look inside, Brendon almost ran into him.

“Found them!”

Then he was running towards the attic door and was fiddling with the keys.

Ryan heard a few frustrated noises and then a triumphant yell when the door opened.

“I’ll get my flashlight!” he yelled and ran into his room. When he came back he held a small flashlight in his hand.

Ryan eyed the scene with a bit fear.

“Come on!”

Brendon took his hand and tugged him up the dark staircase.

When it got too dark to see, Brendon switched the flashlight on.

When they got to the top, Ryan squeezed Brendon’s hand to death.

“Calm down, nothing happened.”

Ryan looked around. It didn’t look very scary. Well at least the few things he could see. There were millions of boxes. Brendon went farther into the room and Ryan followed, biting his lip.

“What do you think is in there?”

Sometimes Ryan just wanted to laugh in Brendon’s face because the boy didn’t seem to accept that Ryan wouldn’t talk …yet.

Brendon bent down in front of one of the boxes and opened it.

Inside were dishes, old looking dishes.

“Uh, boring.” He mumbled and crawled over to the next one.

Ryan couldn’t see what was in it, because Brendon was leaning into it so much.

“These are clothes, I think. Old clothes.”

Ryan sat down next to Brendon and looked into the box. In there were funny looking clothes. Button down shirts, vests, pants and hats.

Brendon grabbed one of the vests and looked at it. It was brown and chequered.

“I think they belonged to some kid, they're small, maybe they would fit you.”

Ryan frowned but he had to admit that he would like to own clothes like that.

“You have to try it on.” Brendon said cheerfully and made a move towards Ryan, so he could get the vest onto him.

It looked at bit stupid with the normal shirt but it fit.

“You should try one of those shirts.” Brendon said, tugging one of the button down shirts out.

After a few minutes, Ryan was dressed in the clothes from the attic and Brendon eyed him smiling.

“You look awesome, but wait.” He fished one of the hats out of the box and placed it on Ryan’s head.

“Now you look awesome.”

Ryan looked down and smiled. Yes, this was indeed better then the clothes he had.

“Come on, help me.” Brendon said, gripping the box on one side.

Ryan looked at him confused.

“We’ll get them down into your room.”

The brown haired boy stared a few more seconds before he helped to carry the box down the stairs.

When they arrived in Ryan’s room, Brendon ran out to lock the attic door again.

Ryan eyed the clothes with awe and he just had to smile.

“You should smile more often.” Said Brendon as he rushed back into the room.

“So, now you have to try them on. All of them.”

Ryan thought for a moment but then he smiled again before he put the next outfit together.

***

When Ryan tried on all the clothes, the boys changed into their pyjamas and sat on Brendon’s bed.

“So, what should we do now? It’s 11 pm”

Ryan answered with a yawn and laid his head onto Brendon’s shoulder.

Brendon smiled and got his game boy. First Ryan was watching him play just like every time, but after a while, Brendon could hear that Ryan’s breath evened out and when he looked at the other boy, he was sleeping.

Brendon smiled again and turned his game boy off.

Softly, he took Ryan by the shoulders and laid him down. Then he crawled into bed himself and threw the covers over them.

He thought that they forgot something but he couldn’t remember what it was and soon enough he was asleep as well.

***

Brendon woke up when he heard a scream. His eyes opened immediately and he saw that Ryan was shaking and sweating next to him … and screaming.

“What- Ryan!”

Brendon sat up and brought two hands up to Ryan’s shoulders to wake him but the boy just continued to scream and kick.

“Ryan! Wake up!” Brendon yelled in frustration. He didn’t know what was going on or what he was supposed to do.

“Ryan, please!”

Then, Ryan’s eyes opened and he crawled backwards. He was crying now, looking around like someone wanted to kill him.

“Ryan?” Brendon asked softly and the other’s honey eyes met his.

Without warning, Ryan threw himself forward and clawed at Brendon’s shirt, hiding in his shoulder.

“Brendon” he sobbed and Brendon’s eyes grew wide.

“W-what?”

Ryan buried his face more and whispered again.

“Brendon”

“Y-yes?”

“I-I forgot to take m-my pills.”

Brendon was speechless. Ryan was talking to him. Really talking.

“B-Brendon?”

The dark haired boy caught himself again and wrapped his arms around Ryan.

“So you had a nightmare?”

Ryan nodded.

“My poor baby brother.” Brendon whispered and squeezed Ryan like a teddy.

He was talking to him. Ryan talked. Sure, it wasn’t the best situation, but Brendon was happy. And Ryan’s voice was as beautiful as his eyes.

“I like your voice.” He whispered and Ryan stopped shaking.

“Ryan? No, from now on you have to talk to me. I won’t accept it if you stay silent!”

“Okay” Ryan said, sounding tired again.

“Uhm, you should take your pills before you sleep again. I’ll get them.”

Brendon jumped off the bed and out of the room.

A few minutes later he came back with Ryan’s pills. Ryan took one and crawled under the covers again.

“Good night, Ryan.”

“Good night, Brendon."

***

Brendon woke up to the sound of his mother’s voice.

She was standing in the room, smiling down at them. The dark haired boy blinked a few times and looked down. Ryan was still sleeping.

He mouthed a ‘wait’ to his mother and crawled out of the bed and they left the room, leaving Ryan to his needed sleep.

“Uhm, what’s with the old clothes in Ryan’s room?” Mrs Urie asked.

“We found them on the attic, please don’t tell dad, he’ll kill us. I think Ryan liked the clothes, I know that he hates the ones he owns and so I thought he could wear those?”

Brendon bit his lip as he waited for his mother to answer.

“I should wash them first, they probably belonged to the child of the last family who lived here, you know, the house was empty for a very long time. I really don’t get why they didn’t take their things with them.”

“Maybe they got murdered.” Brendon laughed but his mother just remained silent.

“Ryan can keep them but only if I wash them now.”

Brendon nodded and Mrs Urie went into Ryan’s room. Then the boy opened the door to his own room again. Ryan was already awake, sitting on the bed and blinking sleepily.

“Good morning”

Ryan just nodded.

“Talk to me!” Brendon said, bringing his hands to his hips.

Ryan opened his mouth but just then Mrs Urie decided to come in.

“Breakfast is ready in five minutes, boys.”

“Okay, mom.” Brendon said, still looking at Ryan.

Mrs Urie left the room again and Brendon corked an eyebrow at Ryan.

The other boy looked uneasy but he opened his mouth again.

“Hey”

When Brendon heard that he beamed and even Ryan looked a bit proud of himself.

“Now, come on, I need food. Oh and mom will wash your new clothes.”

Ryan smiled and they left the room for breakfast.

***

Brendon couldn’t be happier. Ryan talked to him. Well, he was the only person Ryan talked to and he didn’t talk much, but he talked, and that was the important part. It meant that Ryan trusted him at least a little bit.

Ryan was happier, too. Well, mostly because of his new clothes. He always wore them proudly. Maybe he was happy about the fact that he could talk to Brendon, too, who knows.

The next week passed quickly and in no time the boys found themselves in front of the elementary school.

“I talked to the director, you’re going to be in the same class.” Mrs Urie said, leading them to a nearby building.

“Your classroom is in there, just like last year. Hurry, everybody else is already in there.” She said, smiling.

She bent down to hug Brendon.

“And take care of Ryan, okay?” she whispered to him so that Ryan wouldn’t hear.

The young boy nodded and she let go to wave Ryan goodbye and then she left.

“Come on” Brendon said, taking Ryan’s hand and pulling him inside.

In class, no one really paid attention to Ryan. They had their friends and left him and Brendon alone.

“You know, I had a friend last year, Spencer, but he moved away. I guess, it’ll just be us then.” Brendon babbled and Ryan nodded.

He wouldn’t talk here, not even to Brendon. There were other people who could hear and Ryan didn’t want that. He couldn’t explain why, that was just how he was.

As Brendon babbled senseless stuff, Ryan looked around. He didn’t want to be here at all. The other kids scared him and he was even more scared of the teacher.

It was a young lady, who looked always as if she wanted to yell at them for no reason.

“Ryan?”

The brown haired boy turned his head to look at Brendon.

“You don’t like new people, huh?”

Ryan just shrugged.

“No, no. I see it. You look around as if you want to hide under the bridge again.”

Ryan thought that this would be a good idea.

“So, good morning, class.” The teacher began after she sat at her desk for like 15 minutes.

“Good morning Miss Hale” the class said.

“We have a new student this year.”

Ryan’s eyes grew wide.

“Why won’t you come to the front to tell us your name?”

Everybody was looking at him now and Ryan began to panic.

“His name is Ryan.” Brendon said.

“Well, but I didn’t ask you, did I?” Miss Hale said. She began to walk towards Ryan and stopped in front of his desk.

He tried to flinch away and closed his eyes, blocking the world out.

“Then, Ryan, tell us something about yourself, please.”

Ryan brought his hands up to cover his ears, shaking his head.

“Ryan? What’s wrong?” There is was. This fake concerned voice. As if she cared.

When Ryan opened his eyes a little bit he saw that she brought her hand up towards him. He whimpered and retreated further.

“Stop it!” Brendon suddenly yelled and silence fell over them.

“Get away from him!”

Miss Hale looked as if someone hit her and she took a few steps back, eyes still on Ryan.

Brendon took Ryan’s hand and pulled him up before he ran to the door and outside, closing the door behind them.

He pulled Ryan into a quick hug.

“You okay?”

Ryan took a deep breath and nodded.

“Okay, we’ll get through this.”

Ryan nodded again and Brendon laid a hand on the door knob.

“Ready?”

Another nod and Brendon opened the door and they walked over to their seats.

“Brendon?”

They turned to look at the girl who talked.

“Yes?”

“What is wrong with him?” she asked.

They just turned away again.

“Okay, class. Let’s start.” Miss Hale said, handing a few worksheets to the kids.

***

At the dinner table this evening, everyone was silent.

Ryan just picked at his food and even Brendon didn’t look very hungry.

Mr. Urie was still at work and Mrs Urie seemed to get curious.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

The boys looked up at her.

“Uhm, nothing?”

“Oh please, you’re not talking and both of you aren’t eating, so something has to be up.”

Just as Brendon wanted to say something, the phone rang.

Mrs Urie rolled her eyes and got up to get it.

The boys just looked after her.

Brendon turned his head to the side to look at Ryan who just shrugged his shoulders.

They ate for a few minutes till Mrs Urie walked back in. She sat down again and looked at Ryan, who began to feel a bit uneasy.

“This was your teacher. She told me what happened today.”

Ryan looked down.

“So that was it, huh?”

He nodded.

“Ryan, I didn’t think that it would be easy. I’m not angry, but you should have told me.”

Now she looked at Brendon.

“I explained it to her, I think it won’t be a problem again.”

She sighed and got up to leave the room and Ryan immediately felt bad for her.

She tried so hard and he still acted as if she was a stranger.

He looked around and then he made a decision. He got up and left the room, much to Brendon’s confusion.

Ryan walked into the living room where Mrs Urie sat on the couch, face in her hands.

Ryan frowned and walked over to her, standing in front of her.

When he took a deep breath, she looked up and he could see that her eyes were a bit red.

“Oh Ryan, hey.” She said, quickly wiping her tears away.

“What is it?”

He bit his lip and slowly sat next to her.

“Ryan, what is wrong?”

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her middle, hugging her tight.

First she seemed to be surprised but then she slowly brought her own arms around Ryan.

“What- ”

“I’m sorry” he whispered and she got tense and then quickly drew back to look at him.

“Ryan, did you- ”

He nodded and she began to smile and pulled him into a loose hug again.

“Oh honey, that means a lot to me.”

When Ryan drew back he saw that her eyes were slightly red again, but she smiled.

“I’m so glad that you’re getting better.”

He smiled and then there was shuffling in the living room and they looked up to see Brendon looking at them.

“Right, you boys should go to bed. You have school tomorrow.” She said, still smiling.

Brendon frowned at Ryan but when he saw the proud look on the boy’s face he knew what happened and just had to smile himself.

***

Time passed and Ryan got better.

After he spoke to Mrs Urie the first time, he let two month pass till he did it again. In the meanwhile he was talking to Brendon almost as much as the dark haired boy to him.

Mr. Urie was a completely different thing. The man didn’t talk much to Ryan, let alone notice him. First, Ryan had thought that it was because he had to work too much and didn’t have time but after a while he noticed that Henry was totally normal towards Brendon. Brendon’s father talked to his son, he laughed with him and he even hugged him and kissed him on the head.

Ryan always felt as if the man wanted him to disappear, to leave.

The boy started to fear the man he should officially call his father. He even told Brendon that but the dark haired boy just shook his head.

“You don’t have to be scared. Dad loves you.”

Ryan just nodded and left the room after that conversation.

Then there was school. Ryan had good grades, he always did his homework and learned, but he knew that the teachers didn’t like him because they weren’t supposed to come near him or he would flinch or even run out of the room. The other kids thought that Ryan was weird and if Brendon wouldn’t be there, they totally would harass him. Ryan just knew that. His odd clothes didn’t make it better. The other kids always asked why he looked so stupid and Brendon always said in an angry voice “Ryan looks awesome, leave it!”

Then, after four month, Miss Welsh visited them. Ryan didn’t want to see her and she just asked if everything was okay and he nodded before leaving the room again.

A few months later she visited again and after that again and then she announced that she wouldn’t show up again because everything was obviously fine.

So, like she said, Ryan settled down, he found his family and got better even if he would never be completely fine or without fear.

 

**…three years later…**

**3rd POV**

Brendon was running towards the forest as fast as he could. He pushed back a few branched and looked around nervously, searching for a place to hide.

He heard footsteps behind himself and ran faster through the forest. He began to panic and saw an old big tree with thick branches. He held onto one of them and began to climb.

When he was high enough, so his follower wouldn’t see him, he fell silent and held a hand over his mouth as he watched everything.

He heard shuffling and turned around, just to be tackled so that both of them almost fell down.

“Are you crazy? We could have died!” He yelled with a smile.

“Sorry, I just had to.” Ryan said with a smile as he began to climb down the tree, Brendon close behind him.

“So, should I hide now?” Ryan asked as they walked back towards the house.

“Nah, it’s getting boring.” Brendon said.

“Just because I’m better at hiding then you.”

“Oh, you’re so not.”

“I totally am”

“Shut up.”

Ryan just smiled and began to run the rest of the way.

“Come on! I’m hungry!”

Brendon rolled his eyes.

“Calm down” he said smiling.

They went in through the front door and Ryan was immediately running into the kitchen.

“When is dinner ready? I’m starving!” he moaned.

“Half an hour. Did you guys have fun?” Mrs Urie asked.

Ryan sat down on the counter.

“Yep, I’m better then Brendon at hide and seek and so he’s angry and doesn’t want to play anymore.”

“That’s not true!” Brendon yelled.

Ryan just smiled sweetly at him before he laid his head down on the counter.

“I’m hungry!”

Mrs Urie sighed and turned around.

“Just go upstairs, I’ll get you when dinner’s ready.”

Ryan nodded and got up to walk towards Brendon again. They left the room and just as they walked into the hall, the front door opened and Mr. Urie walked in, sighing to himself and rubbing his forehead.

“Daaaaaaaaaad!” Brendon yelled, running towards his father, who just smiled at him.

“Hey Bren, how was your day?”

Brendon smiled and began telling him what they did.

Ryan remained silent and began to climb the stairs alone. In the last three years, many things changed, but one thing always remained the same and that was the way Mr. Urie acted towards him. He was cold and ignorant most of the time.

Ryan was always silent when the man was in the room, one of the things that didn’t change as well.

Dinner wasn’t so silent though, because Brendon was living out his hyperactivity. He told stories about school and showed them how one of the cartoon characters acted he loved so much.

“Sometimes I think you’re still eight and not eleven years old.” Mrs Urie said laughing.

“What? No, I’m totally mature!” Brendon yelled happily.

Mrs Urie just laughed again and Mr. Urie smiled at his son.

“Oh and Ryan got an A in his English test! The best one in the whole class!” the boy announced then.

“Really? That’s fantastic, dear.” Mrs Urie said, smiling at Ryan who just nodded.

Mr. Urie remained silent as well.

Linda looked at her husband and rolled her eyes.

After dinner, the boys went upstairs, sitting on Brendon’s bed.

“Your dad totally doesn’t like me.” Ryan mumbled and Brendon’s head shot up from his game boy.

“You’re talking bullshit, dad loves you! Are we really talking about this again?”

“I’m just saying.” Ryan said, resting his head against the wall, looking up and taking a deep breath.

After a few minutes they heard yelling.

“Are they really arguing again?” Brendon asked annoyed.

Mr. and Mrs Urie yelled a lot in the last few months but every time when Brendon went down, Henry was gone and Linda was sitting in the living room, looking angry. When he asked she always just said “We were just talking loudly.” And the conversation was over.

This time wasn’t any different.

Brendon sighed and got up, leaving the room and walking down the stairs. He could just see his father run out the front door and his mother walked out of the dining room and into the living room.

Brendon didn’t go down there. He just walked up again and back into his room.

Ryan raised an eyebrow and Brendon sat down again.

“The usual” he said and Ryan nodded.

***

Since it was a Friday, the boys went to bed late.

Ryan was lying in his bed, unable to sleep for some reason. After two hours he started to get hungry. Taking a deep breath, he got up and crept out of his room and down the hall. He tried to take the steps without making them creak and went into the kitchen. The only light he switched on was the light over the stove.

He began to search for something to eat but stopped when he heard a noise outside the house. Then there was the sound of keys and the front door burst open.

Ryan crept over to the door and leaned in to look who it was.

Mr. Urie stumbled into the hall, letting the door fall shut with a loud bang.

Ryan’s eyes grew wide and he retreated back into the kitchen. He pressed himself against the counter and waited. He heard steps and for a moment relief came over him because he heard the stairs creek. But then the noise stopped and the steps got louder.

Then a figure appeared in the doorframe and Ryan stared at a very drunk Mr. Urie.

When he saw the boy, his expression changed from confused to … angry?

Memories rushed to Ryan’s brain and he slowly sunk down the counter as Mr. Urie stumbled towards him, pointing at him.

“You!”

Ryan looked at him with eyes full of fear and began to shake his head hysterical.

“It’s your fault. Everything is your fault!”

The boy began to whimper as he closed his eyes and brought his hands up to cover his ears.

“Don’t gimme that shit!”

Mr. Urie grabbed Ryan by one arm and pulled him up.

Tears were forming in Ryan’s eyes when he opened them.

“You ruined everything! If you wouldn’t be here, everything would still be perfect!”

Ryan didn’t even try to fight back, he had been used to stuff like that for quite too long to defeat himself properly.

Mr. Urie stared at Ryan for a while, still with that angry grimace. His breath smelled like alcohol and Ryan felt ill. All of this was way too familiar and within minutes, every wall, Ryan built up in the last three years, broke down around him and left was the broken boy from the beginning.

“My wife just let you stay because she felt bad for you. I shouldn’t have agreed.”

Then he raised his fist and for a moment the time stopped. Ryan stared at his raised fist and every time his father punched, hit or kicked him, came into his mind.

He seemed to live through every single one of those moments again. Tears were running down his cheeks like a waterfall and he closed his eyes to wait for the pain.

He didn’t have to wait long and when the fist collided with his face, the boy was thrown to the floor, couching and crying.

“My family was perfect and you ruined it. My son is with you all the fucking time and he is talking about you every single minute of the day.”

He started to kick the boy on the floor who sobbed and whimpered now loudly.

“My wife is always yelling at me for being such a shitty father. She totally loves you, you goddamn piece of shit!”

He kicked with more force.

“She prefers you over me and you’re not even a part of this family!”

Ryan fell silent and started shaking. He was just lying there, letting it happen like all the times it happened. He didn’t even stir when he heard steps.

“Wha- “ a voice started.

“D-dad, w-what are you doing?”

Brendon slowly walked into the room and when he saw his father standing above Ryan, who was now completely silent, he didn’t know what to do.

“Brendon, go to your room!” Henry yelled.

Brendon’s eyes grew wide as he realized what was happening. He ran across the room and kneed in front of Ryan, who was still not moving.

“R-Ryan”

Brendon raised a hand and played it on Ryan’s swollen jaw, but the boy whimpered and flinched away.

Brendon was now close to tears himself.

“Brendon, I said- “ his father started again but Brendon turned around and cut him off.

“You broke him again! He told me, he- I should have believed him!” the boy yelled from the top of his lungs.

“I am your father and you are not talking to me like this!” Brendon’s father yelled back at him but the boy didn’t even flinch. He was so full of anger right now that he couldn’t even think about being scared.

“What is going on?” came a voice from the door and when they turned their heads towards it, Linda was standing there, shocked.

“Oh my- what happened?” she asked, holding a hand over her mouth in shock.

“Dad broke Ryan again! He hit him!” Brendon yelled, crying.

“W-what?!” she shouted, running over to the boy lying on the ground. She tried to touch him but he cried out and she drew back again. She stared at nothing for a few seconds and got up again, straightening in front of her husband.

“Get out.” She said in a quiet but threatening voice.

“You can’t throw me out!” Mr. Urie yelled.

“I can! You hit my son! You are drunk! Get out! Now!” she yelled now.

“He isn’t your fucking son!”

“Get out!”

He took a glass bottle off the counter and threw it on the floor before he was running out of the house, slamming the door.

Mrs Urie stared after him for a few seconds before she turned around.

Brendon was kneeing in front of Ryan again, stroking through his hair and whispering soothing things, as the brown haired boy whimpered and shook.

“Ryan told me. He said that he thought dad didn’t like him. I didn’t believe him.” The younger boy whispered then so that his mother was able to hear.

She tried to walk towards them but Ryan cried out and she stopped in her tracks. She wanted to cry as well. Everything had been fine and now it all broke down again. They were back at the beginning, maybe even further. 

***

After a while of Ryan lying on the floor, he seemed to have fallen asleep, he didn’t move anymore.

Brendon checked his pulse hysterical and was relieved when he heard the thumping of the boy’s heart. He nodded towards his mother, who had red eyes, and she kneed down on front of Ryan and took him into her arms.

Then they left the room and climbed the stairs. They went into Ryan’s room and Linda laid him down on his bed and Brendon put the covers over the thin boy.

Mrs Urie patted her son on the shoulder and left the room. Brendon thought to hear sobs from her but he couldn’t tell anymore when he began to sob himself.

With tears running down his face, he tried to look at the boy in front of him carefully.

A dark bruise was forming on Ryan’s jaw and he was breathing heavily, all of that with a scared expression, even in his sleep.

Brendon kneed in front of the bed and buried his face in the covers of Ryan’s bed and he just cried. He cried until he didn’t have any more tears and with soft sobbing he fell asleep like this.

***

When Brendon woke up, his back hurt like hell and he groaned. First he was a bit confused of where he was and why he was sleeping in front of Ryan’s bed but then he remembered and he rested his head on the covers again and watched Ryan.

When the boy began to stir, Brendon retreated a bit and waited.

Ryan opened his eyes and he looked emotionless and unfocused. He was just lying there, looking at nothing.

When his eyes then fell on Brendon, his expression changed. 

He seemed to be scared and Brendon sighed sadly and got up to leave but just as he wanted to slip out of the room, he heard a whisper.

“D-don’t leave, p-please”

The dark haired boy turned around and Ryan was looking scared and pleading.

Brendon just couldn’t hold himself back and ran towards the bed to wrap his arms around the other boy.

“I thought you would be scared of me again.” He sobbed.

Ryan shook his head briefly and held onto Brendon tighter.

“No, not of you” Brendon heard him whisper.

Brendon looked back and smiled sadly at the boy in front of him.

“What about mom? Should I go get her?”

Ryan shook his head.

“Ryan, she didn’t do anything.”

“I-I know”

“Then … what is it?”

Ryan seemed to search for the right words.

“Of course, she didn’t do anything, but- “

“But what?”

“Eventually, she’ll leave, she won’t always be there and then y-your dad will come back and- “

“Why would she leave?”

“She will” was the only thing Ryan said and then he thought for a few seconds before he looked at Brendon with shock.

“W-will you leave, too?”

“What? I won’t leave.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Promise me.”

Brendon took Ryan’s hand in his.

“I promise that I won’t leave.”

Ryan took a deep breath and leaned forward so that his forehead was on Brendon’s shoulder.

“What will happen now?” Ryan asked after a while.

“I don’t know, but dad won’t hurt you again.”

“C-can you promise that, t-too?”

“I promise he won’t hurt you.”

Ryan sighed contently and let his eyes fall shut.

***

Since then it was like going backwards. Ryan got more and more quiet and Brendon got frustrated. The honey eyed boy wouldn’t talk to Mrs Urie at all, he even avoided looking at her and he flinched when she talked to him.

Mr. Urie didn’t come back and the boys didn’t ask.

A month passed like that and Ryan was now rarely talking to Brendon. Most of his time, Ryan just sat in his room, reading or scribbling in one of his notebooks.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the boys sat on Ryan’s bed. Ryan seemed to ignore Brendon, he was scribbling something down. Brendon rested his head against the wall and was staring at Ryan with a sad expression.

When the door opened without a knock, Brendon ended his one-sided staring contest and Ryan flinched back against the wall.

Mrs Urie was standing in the room, she shot Brendon a look.

“Your father is in the hospital.”

Brendon looked at her disbelieving.

“What, why?”

She sighed and looked away.

“Alcohol poisoning, he drank too much.”

Now she was looking at Ryan as if waiting for a reaction and she got one. The boy closed his eyes and brought his hands up to pull at his hair a bit.

“God, it happens again.” Ryan whispered.

“I’ll visit him there now, you don’t have to come with me, unless you want to.”

Brendon shot Ryan a look and thought about it.

“I’ll stay here.”

Mrs Urie nodded.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Brendon nodded and she left the room without another word.

“What did you mean?” Brendon asked Ryan after a while.

Ryan looked up with a quick movement and stared at Brendon. Then he looked down as if Brendon didn’t just ask him a question.

“Ryan?”

He tried to meet Ryan’s eye but the boy ignored him again.

“Ryan!”

Now the other boy flinched.

“Ryan, talk to me.”

Ryan shook his head and Brendon got frustrated.

“Okay, then!” he yelled and left the room. He ran down the stairs and just saw his mother leave through the front door.

He went to the back door and left as well. He was running to the forest. He wanted to be alone.

***

Ryan sat in his room alone and stared at the door, hoping that Brendon would come back, but he didn’t.

The boy began to bite his lip and placed the notebook on the nightstand and walked to the door. He peeked outside but no one was there and it was way too silent.

He opened the door completely and walked into the hall.

Slowly, he made his way downstairs and searched in every room, but he seemed to be alone.

He began to worry and then worry was replaced with fear. He ran into the kitchen and saw that the back door wasn’t locked. Brendon must have left.

Quickly, Ryan made his way outside and looked around but no one was there. He bit his lip and thought again. His eyes fell on the forest. Brendon had to be there.

Ryan began to run into the forest without hesitation.

***

Brendon sat on a swing on the playground near his school. He went there after he had been in the forest for like ten minutes.

He had been walking the streets without a clue and then he decided to go to the playground.

Young kids were running around screaming and it annoyed him. Normally, he was the kid that was running around but now he just wanted to be alone.

He was with Ryan way too often, his behaviour seemed to rub off on him.

He was only eleven, he shouldn’t have the problems he had.

When he ended this thought he wanted to hit himself because of thinking it.

He didn’t have any problems, how could he even think that. Ryan was the one with the problems. How could Brendon even dare to think that his situation was as bad as Ryan’s?

Then Brendon began to feel bad for running away. The other boy had to be half crazy by now.

When Brendon started walking back, it was already getting dark.

***

When he arrived at the house, Brendon ran to the back door as fast as he could.

“Ryan?” he yelled when he got into the house.

“Ryan, I’m sorry!”

He climbed the stairs and went into Ryan’s room, but it was empty.

“Ryan?”

He now stood in the hall and everything was quiet.

Brendon started searching everywhere but Ryan wasn’t there.

He fell onto the couch and thought.

Maybe Ryan went searching for him?

This thought appeared and he got up and walked back into the kitchen.

It was already dark outside and Brendon was worried sick. When Ryan really went out there to find him then-

“Not good, not good.” Brendon said to himself as he started to run outside.

“Ryan?” he yelled but nothing happened.

Brendon’s gaze fell onto the forest and he took a deep breath.

As fast as possible he went inside again to get his flashlight and then he ran towards the forest.

Between the trees it was pitch black and without the flashlight, Brendon wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

Usually, nothing could make him go into the forest at night, but he was almost completely sure that Ryan was in there somewhere and Ryan was the only person that was more afraid of the dark then Brendon himself.

“Ryan!”

Nothing.

Brendon tried to look for something human but he just saw trees. He yelled like a madman and after a while he started to run out of frustration.

“Ryaaaaaaaaan!” he cried out but he got no response.

He stomped his foot and yelled again and he almost fell. He let his flashlight shine in front of him and he saw that the ground got steeply downward. Then he looked more closely to the ground and down there he could make out a small body lying between the trees.

Brendon shrieked and began to slide down so that he wouldn’t fall. Down there he sat down in front of the body, of course if was Ryan.

“Ryan!”

The boy on the ground sobbed loudly and Brendon sighed.

“Are you okay?”

The boy nodded.

“Why didn’t you answer?”

He got no response and Brendon sighed again.

“Come on” he grabbed Ryan by the arms and lifted him up so that they were standing across from each other.

Ryan was staring at the ground.

“Ryan?”

Ryan flinched. He was so sick of hearing his name.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left just like that.”

Ryan didn’t move.

“I was worried about you.”

Without waiting for a response, Brendon grabbed Ryan’s hand and tugged him along. The boy just let himself be pulled along.

“I hope I find the way back.” Brendon murmured to himself.

Well, they didn’t find the way back just like that. They ran through the forest for three hours, searching for a way out.

Brendon was almost crying out of frustration and fear and Ryan was crying behind him.

So, for Ryan’s sake, Brendon tried to stay strong, because he had to be the strong one.

Just when Brendon wanted to give up, Ryan pointed at something and Brendon looked at what he meant.

“Yes!” he yelled when he saw light shine through the trees and he pulled Ryan closer and started running towards it.

When they got out of the forest and saw their house in front of them, Brendon fell onto his knees and began to yell.

“We’re alive!”

When he got up again, Ryan was fiddling with his hands and biting his lip. He looked at Brendon through his bangs with an apologetic expression.

“Sorry” he whispered so quietly that Brendon almost didn’t hear it.

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” He said and ruffled Ryan’s hair with a smile before he took his hand again and walked to the house.

“Oh my god! Where have you been?! I was worried sick!” Mrs Urie yelled when the boys walked in through the back door.

She ran towards them and pulled both into a hug at the same time.

Brendon noticed how Ryan got tense and Linda seemed to notice it as well because she let go quickly.

“Sorry, I ran off and Ryan tried to find me and got lost in the forest and I looked for him and then we couldn’t find the way back.” Brendon said with a small apologetic smile.

Mrs Urie sighed but smiled as well.

“I’m just glad nothing happened to you.”

“So, how was it … with dad?” Brendon asked, almost whispered.

Ryan looked away and left the room quickly.

The other two looked after him.

“He’ll be okay. He asked for you.” Linda said. “I told him that you stayed with Ryan.”

“H-how did he react?” Brendon asked.

“He started to yell. He said things like- … bad things about Ryan.”

Brendon looked away angrily.

“We’ll get a divorce, Brendon.”

The boy looked up, shocked.

“W-what?”

“It’s not just because of what happened. We were arguing very often and it seems like the best for all of us now.”

“But- “

“Brendon, think about it. Even if he would come back, we wouldn’t be a family anymore. He made me choose between him and Ryan.”

“And you chose Ryan?”

She nodded.

Brendon looked down and nodded as well. He loved his father, he really did. But he couldn’t forgive him what he did to Ryan.

“He will come get his stuff next week when you two are at school.” She said and Brendon nodded again before he left the room without another word.

When he looked up he saw Ryan standing by the stairs, arms around himself and biting his lip.

“You heard it?” Brendon asked and Ryan nodded.

“Okay”

He took Ryan’s hand and they climbed the stairs.

 

**… five years later …**

**Brendon’s POV**

“Come on, talk to me, fag!”

I heard the voice before I saw the scene but I knew what was happening. I rounded the corner and saw those two idiots pushing someone into the lockers.

I started to run towards them.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I yelled and their heads shot into my direction.

“Aww, is your brother coming to save you again?” The blonde one, I think is name is Chris, said.

I got even angrier and collected all strength I had to push the tall guy away.

“Leave” I said threatening.

“Chill, he was just telling me a story.” Christ laughed and made a sign for his friends to follow as he walked away laughing.

I looked after them with an angry grimace before I turned around again.

“You shouldn’t let them harass you like that.” I told Ryan as I helped him get up.

He bit his lip and nodded. I just sighed.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

He nodded and we left the building.

Other people were getting their bikes or were driving home because they already had a car and a driver license.

Ryan and I walked home from school every day and we probably had the longest way, but I didn’t care.

“How was your math class today?” I asked. We had most of our classes together. Just math and english separated us, so I was always worried about what happened to Ryan in those classes.

“Good, I guess.” Ryan whispered.

“Oh, speaking today, huh?” I laughed.

“Fuck you” was what I got back.

“Not such words, young man.”

“I think you forget that I’m older then you.”

“Maybe you should start acting like it.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, but I could tell that it hit him a bit.

“Sorry” I murmured and he just shrugged his shoulders. I guess that was all the talking I would get out of him for today. I mentally hit myself for saying such crap and started talking again, just for the sake of it.

***

Mom wasn’t there when we got home, as usual.

I went into the kitchen and opened the fringe.

“What do you want?” I asked, already getting out some leftover pizza. I showed it to Ryan and he nodded and took a seat at the counter.

While we ate, I got out my homework. I just wanted to do something, since Ryan wouldn’t talk to me.

“So, what do you want to do on such a beautiful Friday?” I asked after finishing my work.

Ryan shrugged.

“Don’t talk too much.”

I sighed and rested my head on the cold countertop.

Sure, I totally loved Ryan, but sometimes I just wanted to kill him because even with 17 years he rarely talked. I wondered if it was still because he was somehow mentally disturbed or because he just didn’t want to, but I guess it’s kind of the same.

“We could go shopping. I saw an amazing vest in one of the shops. I think you might like it.”

Ryan shot me a glance and shrugged again.

“You annoy the shit out of me, today.”

“Okay” Ryan said.

I thought about making another sarcastic comment about him talking but I decided against it.

“We could go to the cinema.” I thought loudly.

“No” was Ryan’s answer.

“Or we could just watch a few movies here. Mom will be gone the whole night if I know her work plan right. We could totally take advantage of the couch.”

Ryan seemed to think and then he nodded.

“Yay! Movie night!” I yelled.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

Brendon wanted to watch Titanic and I totally hated him for it. It hated that movie so much it’s not even funny anymore.

But here I was, sitting on the couch next to Brendon, watching Titanic.

It was the scene where Rose wants to jump off the ship and Jack tells her not to do it.

You jump, I jump

Brendon giggled silently and shifted a bit so he could whisper in my ear.

“You jump, I jump. We should make it our slogan.”

A shiver ran down my spine and I turned my head quickly. He retreated and rolled his eyes at my not amused reaction and we started to watch again.

When the phone rang, Brendon jumped off the couch to get it.

I just sat there and watched the movie. Well, you couldn’t call it watching anymore because I totally ignored it. I mean, I’m the master of staring into nothing, it’s not a problem for me to stare at the TV for two hours so Brendon would be happy.

When Brendon came back he still held the phone and was grinning.

“It’s Jon, he’s at a party and he asks if we want to come along.”

“We?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“Well, he asked me but if he wants me to come then you will come as well.”

I shook my head and turned my attention back to the TV, more or less.

“Please, Ryan!”

I didn’t move.

“Please!”

“Why don’t you just go by yourself?” I asked without looking at him.

“Because I won’t leave you.”

Now I turned my head to look at him and he shifted a bit.

“Please? I know you hate people but I will be there and Jon isn’t so bad, right? I can push everyone out of the way who comes near you by a metre or two but please!”

I started to laugh because suddenly the picture of Brendon pushing everyone out of the way came into my mind and it was just too hilarious.

“Is that a yes?”

Still laughing, I shook my head.

He turned back to the phone.

“We’ll be there, give me 15 minutes.” Brendon said to Jon and hung up.

“What about no didn’t you understand?”

“You will come with me even if I have to knock you unconscious and carry you there.”

“Then you probably have to do that.”

Brendon left the room and I heard him climb the stairs.

After five minutes he walked back into the living room and threw a few clothes at me.

“Wear these.” He said and leaned against the doorframe.

“Brendon, I am not going.”

“You are.”

“No”

“Yes”

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment.

“Alright, I will not play any stupid games or dance or whatever it is they want to do. And if you even think of leaving me alone I swear- “

“What are you about to do? Kill me with your beautiful honey eyed stare?”

I opened my mouth to talk and I then just realized what he had said.

“What?”

“You’re cute when you’re confused, not put your clothes on or we’ll be late.”

“I don’t think that you should flirt with your brother.” I mumbled as I put the clothes on.

“We’re not blood related. We could totally be boyfriends.”

“Could you shut up?”

“No. Now come on.”

Just as I finished buttoning my shirt, he put a hat onto my head and grabbed my hand to pull me out of the house.

All the way to the party, Brendon was grinning like a madman.

“What are you so happy about? I didn’t know you like parties that much.”

“I’m not grinning because we’re going to some stupid party. I’m just happy because you’re talking to me like a normal human being.”

“Okay”

“Well, maybe it’s the party, too. You know, we never do things like that.”

“You could go to parties, but you always prefer sitting in my room next to me while I ignore you.”

“I would just worry.”

“About me dying of boredom?”

“Maybe?”

“You’re weird.”

“No, I’m normal. You are the weirdo.”

We were standing in front of the house now. The music was way too loud and the number of people was too high for my liking. Okay, the only person I really accepted around was Brendon anyway, but you know what I mean.

“Hey, you made it.” I heard a voice and saw Jon walking towards us.

“Heeeey!” Brendon yelled and Jon smiled at him and then he looked at me.

“I’m sorry if he made you go.” He said and I just shrugged.

“Should we go inside?” Brendon asked and I wanted to yell ‘No!’

Brendon grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door.

People turned and looked at me like I was some kind of alien. I even heard some of them whisper things like “What is he doing here?”

I looked at the floor and let myself be pulled along.

Soon, we got into the house. It was crowded and I just wanted to run away as fast as I could. Jon disappeared and came back a minute later with two cups. He handed them to us and I frowned.

“It’s just lemonade.” Jon said with a smile. “Have fun then, I guess.” And then he left.

Brendon looked after him and sent me a glance that said ‘That wasn’t supposed to go that way, right?”

I just took a sip of my lemonade and moved closer to Brendon. Why was I here again?

“I hate you” I whispered into Brendon’s ear. He turned his head and smiled apologetic.

“Tell yourself that.”

***

An hour or two later, I sat on the couch next to Brendon. Everything was spinning and I just wanted to sleep forever. Jon totally lied about the drink just being lemonade. I had three of them and I regretted it now. I didn’t count how much Brendon had but it couldn’t be less.

Brendon was talking to the guy sitting next to him and I tried to stay awake. After a while I let my head fall onto Brendon’s shoulder and he turned his head towards me and smiled.

“Hey Ryan”

Yep, drunk.

I mumbled something that was muffled by his shirt and he began to giggle. A hand shot up and he touched my nose with his index finger.

“Boop!” he yelled, grinning stupidly.

I smiled, although I didn’t want to. The smile soon turned into a giggle.

I heard people talk and when I looked up I saw a boy who talked to Brendon and he nodded.

Another cup was placed in my hand and I looked at it. I forgot how to drink and that thought made me giggle again.

After I managed to gulp it down, Brendon made a move to get up, but I held onto him and it ended with me sitting next to him on the floor.

I saw a bottle in front of us and a hand shot out to spin it. My head told me that they were playing ‘Spin the Bottle’ and I just decided that no one asked me to play and that that was good and I leaned against Brendon again, closing my eyes.

I opened them every once in a while and every time I saw two people make out.

My brain told me that we should leave but a moment after thinking it, the thought was gone again.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I lazily opened my eyes. Jon was smiling at me and his mouth was moving. It took all my concentration to listen to him. He said something about kissing and pointed at the bottle. I turned my head and saw that the bottle was pointing at me.

“’m not playin’” I mumbled but they didn’t seem to accept that. Now everyone was cheering something I interpreted as ‘Kiss him, kiss him’.

Frustrated and a little bit scared, I turned to Brendon for help and from one moment to another, lips were pressed against mine. I blinked a few times but I didn’t see anything properly and then two hands were on my chest, pushing me back so I was lying on the floor. The person was crawling on top of me and was kissing me again. The kiss was rough and maybe it even hurt. I thought about struggling free, but I decided that I was too weak and so I just let the person kiss me.

It seemed like hours till we finally pulled away and I wanted to open my eyes to see who it was but I was too tired. Then the person flipped us over and I was now lying on a warm chest. My head took this moment to shut off completely and I fell asleep like that.

***

When I woke up, the first thing I realised was that I wasn’t lying in my bed. The second thing was that I couldn’t breathe properly and the third thing was that it was because arms were around me and they seemed to think that I’m a teddy.

I tried to free myself but I gave up quickly.

“Stop moving” a voice then mumbled. I managed to heave my head up and I saw that I was lying on Brendon. I let my head fall down again as a headache started to hammer against my forehead.

Then the last night came back into my mind and I was totally awake immediately and tried to wriggle free again.

“I said, stop moving!” Brendon said in a harsh voice and I lay down again.

“Brendon?” I whispered.

“Hm?”

“Did we- “

“ … make out? Yes”

“Uhm”

“Now, go back to sleep.”

I tried to stay calm and obey but it was really hard. I kissed Brendon last night. Sure, at least I didn’t kiss some guy I didn’t know, but fuck-

“Get up!” a voice said out of nowhere and I tried to look up again.

A girl was standing above us with an angry expression.

“Just five more minutes.” Brendon mumbled.

“No, you leave my house, now!” she said and Brendon finally sat up. His hair was a mess and he had dark rings under his eyes. I was still kind of sitting in his lap but I couldn’t care less.

I looked around and saw that we weren’t the only ones who fell asleep last night. She girl went to the next guy lying on the ground and Brendon got up, pulling me with him.

“Let’s go home so I can sleep a bit more.” He said and pulled me with him.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

“My god, where have you been?” asked mom angrily when we stumbled through the door.

I ignored her and made a move towards the stairs but her hand shot out and grabbed my arm.

“I want an answer, young man.”

“We were at a party, okay?”

Her expression changed from angry to confused and then to worried.

“What? Are you okay?” she asked, meaning Ryan.

The boy nodded and I shot her an asking glance.

“So, can we go up to sleep now?”

She sighed.

“We’ll talk about this later, Brendon.”

“Why just me? Ryan was there as well.”

She just shot me a look and if looks could kill then I would be dead.

I just looked away and went up the stairs, still pulling Ryan with me.

I went into my room and fell onto the bed, pulling Ryan with me so that we were in the same position then before.

“Uhm, I do have my own bed.” Ryan mumbled.

“I know”

“But you seem to think that I’m a teddy to cuddle to death. I am not.”

I squeezed him quickly and laughed.

“You’re better then a teddy.”

“Uhm … thank you?”

“Anytime.”

We were lying like that for a while till I rolled onto my side so that we were facing each other.

“Try to sleep a little bit more.” I whispered and I caught Ryan off guard when I placed a quick kiss on his lips, before turning around, smiling to myself.

I would have loved to see his expression in that moment but he would ask things I wouldn’t be able to answer yet.

I lay like that for a long time till I noticed that Ryan’s breathing evened out. I turned around again and smiled as I saw him sleeping. I cuddled closer and wrapped my arms around him again.

Yep, indeed better then a teddy.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

“Ryan!”

I opened my eyes and was met with Brendon’s worried expression. I closed my eyes again for a moment and sat up. Brendon shifted a bit so he could sit in front of me.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You whimpered in your sleep and kicked around and- “

“I guess I’m okay.” I whispered, looking at my hands.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have stopped taking those pills.”

“I’m not freaking out because of nightmares anymore.”

“I think you are.”

I continued to look at my hands.

“Ryan, I know you want to be strong but it’s okay not to be. That’s what I’m here for.” Brendon said with a small smile.

I nodded and made a move to get up but Brendon wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me back.

“No, no, no. You stay here.”

“And why is that?” I asked.

“You just had a nightmare, I have to comfort you.” He said and patted my head.

“Stop that, I’m not a dog.”

Brendon just grinned at me.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“Five in the afternoon.”

“What? Did we really sleep that long?”

“You did.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“What for?”

Good argument.

“Mom already left, she took the night shift again.”

“She’s working a lot.”

“Yep. We have to pay the bills …”

I nodded and wanted to get up again but Brendon was still holding me back.

“Bren, I’m hungry. Let go.”

Brendon nodded and let go so I could get up. He jumped off the bed as well and we were heading downstairs and into the kitchen.

Brendon started searching in the fringe when someone knocked on the front door.

I looked to the door and then back to Brendon who was still searching and I decided that I would look who it was. I took a deep breath and walked towards the door. I put my hand on the knob and closed my eyes for a moment, I could do this.

I opened the door and when I saw who it was, I changed my mind.

I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this …

“Hello Ryan” Mr. Urie said with an unreadable expression.

I just backed away and he started walking towards me.

“Wow, look how much you grew in the last five years. I guess Brendon did as well but, oh, I couldn’t be there to see it.” His voice got angrier now.

“Ryan, who- “ I heard Brendon’s voice and in the time Mr. Urie wasn’t paying attention to me I ran towards Brendon and hid behind him. I didn’t care if I acted like a five year old.

Brendon got tense and crossed him arms.

“Dad, what do you want?”

“I was right, you grew a lot, too.”

“Answer my question!”

“Do I need a reason to see my son?”

“In this house, yes.”

Mr. Urie stepped closer and I grabbed for Brendon’s hand. The man stared down at our hands and then at me.

“What is that?” he asked.

“What is what?” Brendon asked back.

Mr. Urie took a deep breath.

“This is not what I’m here for.”

“What are you here for, then?”

The man tilted his head and grinned like the devil himself. He lifted his hand and pointed at me.

“This ruined my family.”

Brendon’s hand held tighter onto mine now.

“Leave” he said then in a voice that made even me shudder.

Just as Mr. Urie wanted to open his mouth, Brendon started to yell.

“Leave or I swear I’ll fucking kill you! You think you can just come back? Well, come back another time and I’m going to kill you for what you did to him!”

His dad seemed impressed.

“Brendon, you’re totally overreacting …” he started and took a step towards us.

“I am overreacting? Do you even know how long it took me to fix him? And you just destroyed everything in one night. Since then I try to clean the mess you made! Now, leave!”

I felt slightly like an object when I listened to Brendon’s speech.

Mr. Urie’s expression darkened and he stared now directly at me.

“You’re not getting away with what you took from me.” He said threatening and stomped through the front door. Brendon began to run after him but when the door fell shut in front of him, he brought a fist up and hit it against the door and the noise echoed through the whole house. He stood there for a while, with his fist against the door.

When he turned around, still a bit anger in his eyes, I retreated a bit, but he walked towards me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Alright, that’s it. I’m not letting you out of sight from now on.” He said.

“You never let me out of sight, anyway.” I said and he drew back.

“Let’s eat something.” He said and pushed me into the kitchen where I sat down on the counter.

“Bren?”

“Hm?”

“He’s still your dad …”

“And?”

“If I wouldn’t be here, then you would still be a happy family.” I looked down and felt the words sink in. It was true, kind of.

Brendon looked at me with disbelief.

“What?! Why are you even listening to that asshole?” he kind of yelled and I flinched.

“He’s right.”

“No, he isn’t!”

“Could you stop yelling?”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he continued in a normal voice.

“He isn’t right.”

“Why did you want me to come with you so bad back then?”

“I had many reasons for that. I wanted to have a brother and you were the only kid that didn’t annoy the shit out of me. I thought that you needed us in a way. And I just loved your eyes.” He laughed.

I thought about it for a moment and then I started to grin as well.

“What?” he asked.

“I remember what you said to me. You asked me if I thought that honey and chocolate would taste good together.”

“You see, I was too charming, you just couldn’t resist me.”

“You were a hyperactive kid that scared me to death.”

“Yeah but in the end I was the only one that was able to get you out of your hole. You would still hide under that bridge.”

“I wouldn’t fit in there anymore.”

“You know what I mean.”

I nodded.

“We should go buy honey chocolate.” Brendon said thoughtfully and I started to laugh.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

When we went to school on Monday, we earned a few looks. Some of them were disgusted, some were friendly and some were just amused.

I noticed that Ryan wasn’t comfortable with it at all.

“You okay?” I asked silently.

He shook his head and I pulled him into the next bathroom.

“Just ignore them, okay?” I said after I checked that we were alone.

“I can’t.” he whispered.

“You can. You just have to survive your first lesson and then I’m with you again, okay?”

He bit his lip and nodded.

“Alright, come on.”

I took his hand and we left the bathroom. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to avoid the looks, but I didn’t care.

I walked Ryan to his class before I ran to my own. I took a seat next to Jon and let my head fall on my desk.

“Morning, buddy.” I heard Jon and I just made a small wave without looking up.

“So, how was the rest of your weekend?” he asked and I just knew that he was grinning.

I sat up again and looked at him and he was indeed grinning.

“What’s with the stupid grin, Walker?”

“Oh, just, you know. “

“What?”

“Man, you totally made out with Ryan on Friday.”

“Tell me something new.”

“Okay, you should take a look at facebook. There are some nice pictures of the party.”

My mouth fell open.

“You mean- ”

“Yep” he was grinning again.

“You totally lied about the lemonade.”

“What did you expect?”

I sighed and let my head fall down again.

“So, are you two boyfriends now, or what?”

My head shot up again.

“Jon, shut up. He’s my brother.”

“First thing, no one cares. Second, he’s adopted.”

I stared at Jon with a frown till the teacher arrived.

Jon sent me small notes through the whole lesson, but I could imagine what he was writing so I didn’t read a single one of them.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I sat in the back by myself as always. No one ever wanted to sit next to me and I was thankful for that. I just finished taking my things out when I noticed someone next to me. Slowly, I looked out from under my bangs and there sat a boy, grinning at me.

I tried to remember his name but I just couldn’t think of it.

“Hey there.”

I looked away and stared at my notebook.

“You’re Ryan, right?”

I didn’t react and thought about running out of the class.

“You don’t have to answer that.”

I still didn’t move. I could just hope that he would get creeped out and would leave.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

I looked at him without moving my head.

“Uhm, would you, like, go out with me?”

My eyes grew wide and I turned my head to stare at him. Was he asking me out? Yes, he was, idiot.

He smiled at me hopefully and I turned my head away slightly.

“Pete, leave him alone.” Another guy laughed and when the teacher came into the room, Pete got up with a last smile at me.

“Think about it, okay?”

I stared at him as he walked back to his seat in the first row and made a mental note to avoid him for the rest of my life.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

The rest of the school day, Ryan was barely noticing me and he was thinking a lot. I could tell, because he bit his lip a lot and I just knew the look he had when he was thinking.

When we came home, we ate something and after that he retreated into his room.

I thought about going in there a few times but I decided against it.

He wanted to be alone, I guess.

So I went into the living room and busied myself with watching TV and I guess I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes again, mom was standing in front of me.

“Hey, dear.”

I gave her a quick wave and stretched.

“Where’s Ryan?” she asked.

“In his room.”

“Why?”

“Why am I supposed to know that?”

“Well, you know the boy better then he knows himself.”

I just nodded and sighed.

“I don’t know what’s going on with him but sooner or later he will come around.”

She sat next to me.

“So, about the party thing.”

“Oh, right. You wanted to talk about it.”

“Do you think it was a good idea to tag Ryan along?”

I thought about it for a moment.

“Yes, I think it was.” I said before getting up.

She totally worried too much. Because of that, I didn’t tell her about dad’s visit. She would just worry.

I left the room to climb the stairs and she didn’t say a word.

***

I knocked and opened the door slowly.

“Ry?”

He sat on the bed, scribbling something down. I walked over and sat next to him.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing” he said without looking at me.

“Ryaaaaaaan”

No response.

“Just tell me, okay? Something happened in school, I know it.”

“Yes, something happened in school.”

“Then start talking, for god’s sake.”

He sighed and put his notebook away.

“In my english class … this boy came to me.”

“Who?” I asked, ready to beat the shit out of this guy.

“Pete, I think.”

“What did he do?” I knew Pete. He was kind of famous at school.

“He asked me out.”

My mouth opened.

“He- what?”

Ryan finally turned his gaze in my direction and looked at me without emotion.

“W-what did you say?” I asked after a while. Ryan just laughed.

“I didn’t say anything, of course. He told me to think about it.”

“And … are you thinking about it?” My eyes narrowed.

He just shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t think so. I mean how would it go? He would talk and I would just sit there, being afraid of everything.”

I almost sighed contently. Almost.

Of course, it was Ryan’s decision, but I sure as hell would have done everything to prevent it, I knew that. But why was that?

For one, I didn’t trust Pete. And well, I had to admit that jealously was a reason, too.

I mean, Ryan and I totally made out. We had been drunk but I tried not to think about that. I kind of didn’t accept someone else with him. He was mine. Basta.

“I think you make the right decision.” I said with a smile. “I mean, Pete is one of those party people. I don’t think he would be good for you.”

Ryan nodded and grabbed his notebook again and without him looking up again, I left the room, smiling to myself.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I couldn’t sleep that night. I was still thinking about the thing with Pete. I tried to find reasons why it was a good idea but then I also found even more reason not to do it.

The next day at school, everyone was staring at us again and I felt sick. I just wanted to be left alone, was that really that difficult to understand?

English was my third lesson today and I was thinking about skipping it.

“Ryan, seriously. What is it with you today? We talked about it, didn’t we?” Brendon suddenly said as we were standing by my locker.

I nodded but didn’t look at him and I heard him sigh.

“Uhm, hey.” I heard a voice and turned around.

Pete was standing in front of us, smiling like a madman. I quickly looked away again.

“Did you think about it?”

I got nervous because I didn’t know how to react, but thank god Brendon was there.

“The answer is no. Leave.” He said to Pete in a sharp voice.

“I think its’ his decision, after all.” Pete said. I was just staring at my locker, listening.

“Yes, and he already decided.”

“I think I would like to hear this myself, then.”

“Fuck off.”

“No”

“No, seriously. Go away.”

“What if I don’t?”

Brendon made an angry noise. It almost sounded like a growl and I finally turned around.

Pete looked at me questioning and just as I wanted to say something, really say something, Brendon grabbed my wrist and pulled me away, rushing down the hallway.

We went around a corner and I managed to wriggle free. I shot him an angry look.

“What? I just saved you from that asshole.”

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

“You know that’s not true.”

My mouth opened slightly but Brendon was already tugging me along again.

“I can walk myself, you know?” I said angrily, pushing him away a bit.

“Then fucking walk, we’re already late for class.”

I rushed past him and ran inside our classroom. I took a seat in the back and sighed.

Brendon sat next to me, of course, but I didn’t talk a single word to him, I didn’t even look at him. I thought it to be a punishment for him being an asshole because he gets so depressed when I ignore him like that.

He might be my brother, in a way, but I could make my own decisions. And in that moment I made a decision.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

Ryan was ignoring me. Great.

The whole first and second lesson, he acted as if I wasn’t there. He knew that it would drive me insane.

The same in break. We sat outside on a bench and he was scribbling something down. I tried talking to him but he didn’t react in the slightest.

When I walked him to his english class, I just wanted to rush inside and beat Pete to death. I knew that he would talk to Ryan again, I just knew.

Just as Ryan wanted to walk in, I pulled him back by his arm and turned him around so he was looking at me. His stare was emotionless and cold and I just wanted him to smile or cry. Just something with emotion.

“If Pete tries talking to you again- ”

Ryan rolled his eyes and pulled away. He walked into the classroom and didn’t look back.

My hands clenched into fists and I just wanted to hit someone, Pete would be great.

I started running to my own class where I sat next to Jon.

“You look like shit.” He said.

“Fuck you.” I hissed and he raised his hands.

“Woah, what crawled up your ass and died?”

“Pete fucking Wentz.”

“Okay. May I ask what he did to you?”

“He asked Ryan out.”

“Oh, I see the problem. You don’t want him to touch your precious Ryan.”

I snorted.

“My god, come on. Little Ryan is afraid of everyone except you. Do you really think he would like to be alone with another guy more then ten seconds? I don’t think so.”

I looked away and didn’t say anything.

“Brendon, just tell Ryan that you don’t want him to date Pete.”

“I kind of did.”

“What’s the problem then?”

“Ryan is kind of mad at me for it.”

“Okay, I have a good plan. If Ryan really goes out with Pete then you buy 24 roses, show up at wherever they are and you confess your love to him. Then you can beat Pete to death and you two can kiss in the rain. Well, it would have to rain for that, but it would be perfect.” He looked at me after his speech and I just stared at him with my mouth slightly open.

“Jon Walker, fuck you.”

“Okay okay, I get it. Another plan. You beat Pete to death right now and confess your love.”

“Just shut up okay?”

“Okay, but if you’ll need help with hiding the corpse, just call me.”

“I will.”

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I sat in the class, in the back as always and was biting my lip till I tasted blood.

Pete wasn’t there yet, neither was the teacher and the first time I cursed that the teachers never showed up in time.

When the door opened, I looked up and there was Pete. He threw his backpack to one of his friends and walked towards me.

“So, your brother is kind of an asshole, huh?” he said with a grin.

I just stared at him and he sighed and took a seat beside me.

“I’ll ask you again and could you maybe answer me?”

I nodded and he smiled briefly.

“Would you go out with me?”

I took a deep breath and looked around a bit nervously before I gave him my answer.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I waited for Ryan to come out of his class, thinking about what Jon said. Killing Pete would be nice.

Students rushed out of the room and I searched the crowd for the head of brown hair I loved so much.

When I spotted him, he was already walking down the hallway and I started running to reach him.

“Hey” I said when I was finally beside him.

He didn’t react.

“I won’t accept that you ignore me so I’ll just talk till you answer me.”

I could practically hear him roll his eyes but I didn’t care and so we walked to our next class.

***

My tactic didn’t work that great because Ryan was still ignoring me in the last lesson. I leaned back in my chair and looked at the ceiling till the bell finally rang.

I took my bag and waited for Ryan and then we walked out of the classroom, down the hall and out of the school, without fucking talking.

Outside, a hand tapped my shoulder and I turned around to see Jon. He looked a bit uneasy.

“Hm?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked and shot Ryan a look.

“Sure”

We walked away so that no one would be able to hear us.

“I have bad news.”

“Which would be?” I asked angrily.

“Your little princess kind of agreed to the date.” He said. He looked as if he was about to run away but he stayed. 

“What?! How do you know?”

“I talked to Pete.”

“Alright, where is he? I’ll kill him.”

“It’s awesome that you’re so passionate but I would be careful with him. He has some friends and uhm- ”

I looked at him with a mix of anger and curiosity.

“He said that he would beat you up if you would ruin it.”

“He what? Didn’t you tell me that I should beat him to death a few hours ago?”

“The game changed, my friend.”

“My god, when did I end up in a fucking soap opera?”

“It’s not that bad. Ryan will see what an asshole Pete is and you two will kiss in the rain anyway.”

“Fuck you.”

“I just try to help.”

“Well, you’re shitty at it.”

With that, I stormed through the crowd and grabbed Ryan’s hand to pull him all the way home.

***

This time, even I didn’t want to talk. We walked home in silence, we ate in silence and then we watched TV in silence.

“I can’t fucking believe you agreed.” I murmured after a while. I was so angry that I was sure I would start to tear the living room apart soon.

Ryan didn’t react and that made me even angrier.

“I just don’t get your problem. Yesterday we agreed that it was a bad idea. Are you doing this because you’re mad at me? To torture me? Well, it worked!”

“Why does it even make you angry?” he asked silently but didn’t look at me.

“Uhm”

‘Because I don’t want you to be with someone else. Pete is an asshole and he will break your heart. I won’t. I want you to be with me and no one else.’

Well I couldn’t just say that.

“Because he’s an asshole.” I said simply.

“How do you know?”

I didn’t.

“I just know.”

He sighed and got up.

“He’ll pick me up at six on Friday.”

Then he walked out of the room.

I sat there, unsure of what to do. In frustration, I got my cell phone out and dialled Jon’s number.

“How did you kill him?” Jon immediately asked when he picked up.

“I didn’t.”

“So, what is it?”

“The date’s on Friday.”

“And?”

“I’m not leaving Ryan with that idiot. He could do god knows what to him.”

“Oh you want to spy on them?”

“Yep, you wanna help?”

“You don’t have to ask. I’ll come.”

“Good, do you have a car?”

“Yep.”

“Alright, here’s the plan. You come over a few hours before they leave. We’ll say that we go to the cinema or something and we’ll hide in the car till Pete comes.”

“Uhm, they will see the car?”

“Yes, but they don’t know that it’s yours. Just park on the other side and say that you walked here.”

“If you say so.”

“Good.”

“Okay, lover boy. Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

"Yeah, okay. Bye.”

I hung up and jumped back onto the couch, smiling.

***

The days till Friday were a torture. Ryan was mad at me the whole time and I just pretended to ignore him too. In reality, I watched every single step he took.

On Friday, Jon came over at four, as planned. We helped each other with our homework and stuff.

At half six, we decided to go to the car already. I went into Ryan’s room to say that we were leaving and we went outside.

“Maybe we should duck or something when he comes.”

I nodded and tried to hide myself in the car.

30 minutes passed quickly and Pete parked in front of the house, got out of the car and knocked on the door.

I had to smile when I imagined Ryan standing behind the door, thinking it over and biting his lip. I knew that he regretted it and that he wanted to cancel it, but he was too proud to do it.

When he opened the door, he looked like I imagined him, biting his lip and with a nervous expression.

Pete said something and they went to the car.

“Man, are you sure that we shouldn’t do something? He’s shaking like crazy.” Jon stated and even I could see it from that distance.

I took a deep breath and shook my head.

Pete started driving and we followed quickly after that. They were heading downtown, probably to go to some restaurant or something.

We followed for ten minutes when Pete drove out of the town.

“Where the fuck is he heading?” Jon murmured.

After a while we could see the towers of the old industry buildings.

“Alright, I will kill this guy, I swear.” I said.

Pete stopped in front of one of the old rusty buildings and we stayed as far away as my worry would let us.

We got out of the car and watched.

Pete got out and looked around. Then the lights of the car blinked twice.

“Did he … lock it?” Jon asked worried and I nodded.

Pete walked towards the building just as a man walked out.

My eyes grew wide.

“Fuck.” I yelled and Jon held a finger in front of his mouth to show me to stay silent.

“No, Jon! That’s my father, he- “

“What? That is your father.”

I made an attempt to get up and run towards the scene but Jon held me back.

“What?!”

“Brendon, he’s holding a gun.” Jon gasped and I looked at the scene again. He was right. In his right hand, my father was holding a gun. He handed something to Pete.

“Jon, we have to do something!”

“I’m at it.”

I looked beside me and Jon was holding his cell phone to his ear.

“I’m calling the police.”

“The police? Do you even know how long it will take them to be here?” I said, shocked.

“I can’t just wait here for Ryan to be killed.” I continued.

Jon shushed me again and I turned to watch again and I saw the lights of the car blink again. The door on the passenger seat burst open and Ryan jumped out, immediately running away. I looked at my father and he was raising the gun now.

“No!” I yelled and got up to run towards them. My dad and Pete looked up and spotted me and their expressions got angry. I turned my attention back to Ryan, who was now running towards me, but he was still too far away.

Then I heard a bang and all air left my lungs. I saw Ryan fall to his knees and I yelled something again.

My father was at his side immediately and he raised the gun again, this time to hit Ryan in the head so that the boy fell to the floor unconscious.

I woke from my trance and started running again.

“Let him go you bastard!” I yelled from the top of my lungs. I almost reached them but then I was suddenly lying on the floor. I looked up and saw Pete standing above me.

“Oops.”

Kicking out, I hit his legs and he fell down as well. I got up and ran again. I just saw the old steel door fall shut and tried to run faster. When I reached the door I tried to open it but it was locked. I hammered my fists against the hard door till my knuckles were bleeding.

“Chill, he won’t kill him, just break him a bit.” I heard a voice and looked up to see Pete again, smiling.

“What the fuck did Ryan do to you?!” I yelled and made an attempt to attack him, but hands held me back and I looked over my shoulder to see Jon.

“This isn't helping now.” He said serious and let go of me again.

“To answer your question, he didn’t do anything. Your father is just paying me very well for this. He came to me when I was walking home from school and asked if I needed money, well, it was a good deal.” He started to grin and this time I punched him in the face as hard as I could.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you!”

Then I started hammering my fists against the steel again till I was crying.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I felt something hard collide with my cheek and tried to open my eyes. Everything was blurry and god, my shoulder hurt like hell. When I looked down, I saw blood on my shirt and frowned.

“Good morning.” I heard a voice and heaved my head up to search for the person.

Henry stood in front of me, grinning like crazy.

My eyes widened and I tried to retreat a bit but I couldn’t and just then I noticed that I was tied to a chair. I cried out and felt the tears come.

“Oh, don’t cry. I won’t kill you, if Brendon wouldn’t have interrupted I wouldn’t have shot you, but well … thank him.”

I started to whimper and now the tears were running down my cheeks like a waterfall.

“Stop crying you baby. I said I won’t kill you. I’ll just, what did Brendon call it, destroy you a bit.”

“Please …” I started to whimper and he drew back, a bit impressed.

“Wow, so you are able to talk.” Now he started laughing.

“So, anyway. I took the time I had to research a bit and it seems that you indeed have a heavy trauma. Let me show what I mean. You remember when your mother left and your father started drinking?”

Of course I did remember. I cried out again and started shaking.

“Yep, exactly that reaction. You really have some problems in your head.”

He started laughing again.

“That’s what I’ll use to destroy you a bit, and maybe some more hitting but let’s see, huh?”

I was sobbing hard and had problems to breathe now.

Then I started to yell as loud as I could.

“Brendon!”

“He won’t come. I locked the door.”

I didn’t care. I yelled till I lost my voice and Mr. Urie waited.

When I finally gave up he walked towards me and punched me right in the face.

“Shut up.”

I should have stayed under my bridge when I had the chance. Why did I go with them? Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why did people always hurt me or betray me?

I was a total mess. I was crying, sobbing, shaking and whimpering.

Henry started talking. He told me my whole life story till the day my grandparents brought me to the orphanage and I relived all of it in my head. 

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I was leaning against the door, crying softly. Jon was sitting next to me, rubbing my back.

Pete left sometime, I didn’t notice it.

“What do you think he is doing to him?” I whimpered and looked up at Jon.

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t want him to destroy Ryan again. Not again. I can’t do this again.”

“Bren, he’s old enough, older then you. He’ll get over it, whatever your father does to him. Pete said he wouldn’t kill him.”

“You don’t understand. He won’t get over it. My god, he never got over it. He’s still trying to forget. He’s still healing and my bastard of a father is breaking him again.”

“Brendon- ”

“Why isn’t the police here yet?”

“I didn’t have any network, I- ”

“What?! Are you telling me that they aren’t even on the way?!”

He looked as if I just hit him.

I punched the door again and then I heard something and retreated a bit. A scream. My name. Ryan was yelling my name.

“Fuck!”

I thought for a moment.

“I won’t just sit here and wait till he’s finished. Come on!”

“What are you doing?” Jon asked.

“I’m looking for a way in” I said as I started running along the walls of the building.

I turned a corner and immediately a small broken window fell into my sight. It was high and very small.

“There.”

“Brendon, you won’t fit in there and anyway, how are you going to get up there?”

“I’ll climb on your shoulders and you heave me in.”

Jon wanted to say something but I pulled him under the windows and he helped me up.

When I was standing on his shoulders, I tried to grip the windowsill and heaved myself up.

“So, I guess you have to go by yourself.” Jon said. “I’ll go get the cops, good luck till then.”

He started running away and I sighed as I tried to climb through the tiny window. There were still sharp edges of glass that cut into my skin but I didn’t care and in no time I jumped down and landed on the hard floor. I got up again and listened.

I heard another scream, more silent this time.

“No, no, no.” I whispered frustrated.

I started walking. I went out of the room and along a hallway. When I didn’t hear anything, I started running. Then there was another scream and I heard that it was coming from somewhere above my head. I cursed and ran along halls to find a staircase. After a few minutes I found it and started climbing the stairs quickly. I didn’t hear screaming anymore and it made me even more worried.

When I arrived at the top, two hallways spread out to my sides. I stopped and tried to think of where I had been when I heard the voice above me and I decided that it was to my left.

I walked along the hallway and listened at every door. When I heard a whimper from the end of the hallway, I started running and when I found the door from where I heard it, I tried to open it, but it was locked. I growled and took a few steps back. I closed my eyes for a moment before I started running towards the door and jumped against it with all force I had.

The door opened with a bang and I almost fell to the floor. When I caught myself again, I looked up and just saw my father as he punched Ryan in the stomach.

Now, my father’s head shot up and he turned around. When he saw me, he smiled.

“Hey, did you come to get your brother? We are almost finished.”

“Almost finished my ass!” I yelled and grabbed a steel rod that was lying on the floor.

“Calm down.”

“You remember what I told you last time?”

“You think a little bit too big, son.” He said, taking the gun from somewhere on the floor and I let the steel rod fall to the floor again.

“Dad, please.” I started. “What did he ever do to you?”

“He ruined my life.” He hissed.

I took a step forward.

“How? I just don’t know why you’re doing this? If you want to blame someone then blame me. I talked you into taking him in. It’s my fault.”

“Stop talking bullshit.”

I took another step.

“You see? It’s bullshit. You should blame yourself. You could have said no when he became a part of the family. Or you just could have tried to be a father, but well, you couldn’t and that’s why we’re here today.”

I took a few more steps and now I was standing right in front of him. He looked at me thoughtfully.

“Maybe you’re right.”

I sighed and relaxed a bit.

“No, just kidding.”

He pointed the gun at Ryan and the boy looked up tiredly. When I saw his look I just wanted to cry again. His eyes said do it!

I knew that my father was about to pull the trigger. Fuck Pete, he totally was about to kill Ryan. Quickly I raised my foot and kicked it against my father’s leg. He cried out and the gun fell to the ground, sliding over the floor. I jumped after it, but a hand grabbed my leg and I fell to the floor, face forward. I started to kick my legs and my foot met his face. He groaned and pulled away and a moment later, I stood above him, the gun pointing at his head.

“Who thinks too big now?” I asked through clenched teeth.

At that moment I heard sirens and relaxed. My father started talking but I ignored him and hit the gun against his head so he fell to the floor, unconscious.

I let the gun fall and kicked it so it slid into the corner of the room.

Then I turned my attention to Ryan. His head was hanging, so I couldn’t see his eyes because his hair was hiding them.

I walked over and freed him from the chair. I sat down in front of him and looked up. His eyes were closed but I knew that he was awake.

“Ryan?” I whispered and his eyes opened a bit to look at me. A tear rolled down my cheek at the sight in front of me. I didn’t understand how someone could do this boy any harm. How could someone hurt an angel?

“Oh god” I sobbed and wrapped my arms around him to bring him down with me.

He groaned a bit and I drew back.

“Fuck, you’re bleeding.”

He said nothing and closed his eyes again. A noise came from outside. They were opening the front door. I heard a bang and Ryan whimpered.

“Everything is going to be okay.” I whispered and pulled him into a hug again.

Moments later, the door to the room opened and a few men in uniforms stormed in.

Ryan was hiding in my chest and I didn’t let go till we had to get up.

I didn’t listen to what they were saying. I just saw how they were pulling my father out of the room. A man started talking to me and grabbed my arm to pull me out. One of my arms was still wrapped around Ryan and I tugged him with me, since he cried out when someone else tried to touch him.

When we left the building, I could see two police cars and an ambulance. People were running towards us and tried to tear Ryan away from me but the boy started screaming and they retreated.

I walked him to the ambulance car and laid him down. A woman came in and tried to look at his wounds but he started screaming and kicking.

“This isn’t going to work.” She said and suddenly she was holding a syringe.

“What is that for?” I asked quickly.

“Something to shut him down.”

I watched as she was giving Ryan the injection and after a few minutes, his kicking and screaming stopped and his limbs fell down beside him.

He rolled his head to the side to look at me. His eyelids fluttered as he raised his hand towards me. I took it and it got lifeless in mine as Ryan passed out.

I knew that the nurse was watching and so I looked up at her.

“What?” I asked tiredly.

“Why isn’t he scared of you?” she asked as she started to work on Ryan’s wounds.

I fixed my gaze on Ryan again.

“Because I love him.”

***

I sat at Ryan’s hospital bed and just looked at him.

He was still asleep because of his medication and I was still holding his hand. I took in his features. His, now calm, and oh so beautiful face, even with all the red marks on it. His lips were slightly parted and dried blood was on them. Then my gaze shot to his eyes and in that moment I would do everything just to see those eyes.

The door opened and I turned around to see my mother run into the room with tears in her eyes.

“Oh my god, what happened?” she asked within sobs.

“Dad” I said simply and turned around again.

She said nothing and came over to stand next to me.

“Do we have to start all over again?”

“I don’t know yet. He started to scream and kick when someone tried to touch him, except for me.”

“So, what happened exactly?”

I sighed and started to tell her everything. Well, everything but the part were I was kind of in love with him.

After I finished, she stayed silent for a while.

“What about dad?” I asked.

“He got arrested.”

I nodded. In that moment, the door opened again and the doctor walked in. I talked to him once and he seemed nice. He let me stay here the whole time.

“Hello Brendon and- ”

“Linda, I’m his mother.” She said.

“I’m Doctor Tucker.”

They shook hands and he read through his papers for a moment.

“He should wake up soon. We are not sure how he will react yet, seeing the events from the other day.”

I nodded, not letting Ryan out of sight and definitely not letting go of his hand.

“So, Brendon, the nurse told me that he wasn’t scared around you. Why is that? You don’t have to tell me, I’m just curious because normally patients like that aren’t seeing differences in people. They usually think that everyone will hurt them.”

I traced Ryan’s knuckled with my thumb and stared at our hands.

“I saved him.”

“From your father?”

“From everything. I saw him at the orphanage eight years ago and I just needed him to come with us. I think deep down I knew that he needed me. I was the one who was always there. I wasn’t walking away when he wanted to be left alone because I knew that he didn’t really want it and I was always there when he cried at night because he forgot to take his pills. I fixed him back then and I did it again after my father beat him up and I’ll do it again if I have to.”

When I looked up at the doctor, he was smiling slightly.

“Okay, I understand. I was about to order therapy for him but I think that won’t be necessary.”

I felt the hand in mine move and looked at Ryan again. He stirred and was frowning. I tightened my grip and when he opened his eyes, there was fear in them. He looked at the doctor and I saw the panic in his eyes.

I squeezed his hand and his eyes met mine. The fear ebbed away and he relaxed a bit.

“Hello Ryan. How do you feel?” the doctor asked with a smile. It wouldn’t get him very far. Suddenly Ryan’s eyes shot over to look at him again and he squeezed my hand way too hard.

“Shh, calm down.” I whispered and he looked at me again.

“I don’t think that he will talk soon.” The doctor said.

“Well, not to you.” I murmured.

“Alright, I guess we should leave then.” He said with a look at my mother. She looked a bit sad but obeyed and followed the doctor out of the room.

I turned my head towards Ryan again and he just stared at me.

“Hi” I said with a small smile.

He continued to stare at me for a while and then he started to sit up. He clenched his teeth and groaned. 

“Are you okay?” I asked worried.

His eyes shot up to look at me again and they seemed to be pleading. He untied his hand from mine and bought his hands up in my direction, like a child that wanted to be carried.

My heart started to melt at the sight and I crawled on the bed next to his sitting form to pull him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around my middle and clawed at my shirt. His face was pressed into my chest and he was shaking slightly.

“Shh” I whispered and brought a hand up to pet his head softly.

His shaking got stronger and I retreated a bit to look at him. His eyes were red and full of tears and his breathing was heavy. I raised my hand to wipe away a tear, that was making its way down his cheek. 

When he flinched slightly, I felt my heart break.

“No no no” I said and moved closer to him and looked in those beautiful eyes that showed that he was a bit scared.

I was a bit scared myself, because I didn’t know what I would do if Ryan would be scared of me. I wouldn’t be able to take it.

“I won’t hurt you, you know that. I wouldn’t be able to.” I whispered and moved closer again. He was staring at me with too many emotions at once. I raised my other hand to his cheek so I was holding his face in both hands.

“Please, don’t be scared.” I said, barely a whisper.

I brought our foreheads together and closed my eyes. I could feel his breath ghost over my lips and I felt the sudden urge to kiss him. When I opened my eyes again, those honey eyes were staring into mine and I couldn’t hold me back anymore.

I moved forward and connected our lips softly.

At first, Ryan wasn’t reacting at all and our lips were just touching but when I started to move my mouth, he sighed and relaxed into it.

I smiled against his lips and let my right hand travel up to go through his hair.

When I drew back, he was staring at me with confusion in his eyes and I had to smile again because the fear was gone, even if it was just for now.

“Ryan, I swear that I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I’m so sorry.”

He looked down and let himself fall forward and I caught him in my arms.

I don’t know how long we sat like that but I didn’t care. I was just glad that Ryan was okay, well, as okay as he could be at the moment. 

***

After a while, Doctor Tucker came in. When he saw that I was sitting on the bed next to Ryan, his expression got curious.

“Uhm, Brendon, could you come out for a minute?” he asked.

I looked at Ryan, who was staring up at me with pleading eyes.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” I said and started climbing off the bed. Ryan reached out and grabbed my arm, holding me back. I turned and I saw the fear in his eyes.

“Just a minute, Ry.” I whispered and took his hand to remove it from my arm softly.

He watched as I left the room with frustration and fear.

I closed the door behind me and looked at the doctor.

He started walking and I assumed that I should follow. We turned a corner and there were a few chairs. On one of them sat my mother, smiling sadly when she saw me.

“Sit down for a moment.”

I sat down beside my mother and shot him a questioning glance.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He just smiled.

“Nothing is wrong. I just think that we should inform you about a few things, too.”

“Okay?”

“Ryan will be able to go home in a week if his condition isn’t getting worse. I think it would be good if he would start taking the pills against dreams again. A higher dose, of course. I will also give you some medication for him to calm down, just in case.”

I just wanted to say something when I heard a scream and shortly after that a young nurse was rounding the corner.

“Doctor Tucker, the boy in room 14 is freaking out.” She said with an unsure undertone. She was obviously inexperienced and new in here.

The doctor opened his mouth but I was already running towards the room. Just when I opened the door completely, Ryan screamed again and I rushed forward.

“Ryan, calm down.” I said when I was standing next to the bed.

He relaxed a bit and looked up at me from his lying position. He looked as if he wanted to say ‘You left me, you bastard’.

He shot up and threw himself at me. I think I didn’t hug that much in my entire life.

He pressed his face into my chest, like earlier, and was squeezing me as hard as his fragile arms were able to.

“I just walked in to ask if he needed anything.” I heard the nurse’s voice and turned my head. My mother and Doctor Tucker were standing in the doorframe, the nurse behind them.

The doctor looked thoughtfully from Ryan to me.

“We have to talk.” He said.

“I won’t leave him again.” I said simply and he sighed and walked into the room, sitting down on one of the chairs.

“Brendon, I think Ryan needs some help.” He said slowly.

“I help him.”

“I know you do, but- ”

“No. He won’t go to some stupid therapy.”

“I wasn’t going to say that. He obviously can’t go to therapy.”

“Then what?”

“I think we should get him to a mental hospital.”

I stared at him as if he was crazy.

“What?!” I spat.

“Brendon, please. Think logically. He isn’t able to be around people anymore. He’s clinging to you as if we want to kill him. He needs help.”

“He isn’t going into one of those madhouses. Fuck off!”

“I’m afraid that’s not your decision to make.” He looked at Mrs Urie, who just watched the scene with wide eyes. He got up and left the room. Obviously to talk to my mom about this. Would she really allow them to take Ryan away from us?

I looked down at the boy, who was still glued to me.

They couldn’t take him away, they just couldn’t.

I pressed him to me even more. I didn’t want to let him go. I couldn’t.

***

I grew more and more frustrated with the time that passed. My mother was talking to the doctor for half an hour and I started to get worried.

Somewhere between us hugging, Ryan fell asleep and I tugged him under the covers again and sat at the end of the bed.

I was thinking about what would happen if Ryan would have to go to a mental clinic for real. He wouldn’t get better, he would get even worse.

I bit my lip and tried to get the thought out of my head. My mother wouldn’t agree to this, would she?

When the door opened, I jumped off the bed immediately. I was just my mother. She closed the door silently and walked over to me.

“So?” I asked nervously.

She sighed and avoided meeting my eyes.

“They will get him to the mental clinic tomorrow.” She said.

My mouth opened but I couldn’t say a word. I just looked at her, shocked. How could she?

“Brendon, it’s for the best.”

I shook my head quickly.

“It is. They will be able to help him there properly and when he comes back, he will be normal.”

“What?!” I spat. Did she really just use the word normal?

“So he isn’t normal, or what? Is that your problem? That he’s different?” I continued angrily.

“No, you know what I mean. They will finally fix him.”

“I can fix him. I fixed him back then.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Fuck you!”

“Not such language.” She sighed. “There is something seriously wrong with him and you know that. You can’t just pretend that he will be okay again if you cuddle with him like you did back then. You two aren’t kids anymore.”

“Mom, please. He won’t get better there. He will go crazy. He- ”

“Stop it! I already decided, so this conversation is pointless.”

I used to think that my mother had a heart, unless my father. I thought that she cared about Ryan, but she obviously didn’t.

“Come on, now. It’s late.” She said, heading towards the door.

I shot her a glare.

“Fine, stay here. I don’t care. Try to get home on your own then.” She spat and left the room.

I sighed and sat down on the end of the bed again, rubbing my eyes with my hands.

When I felt a shift in the mattress, I looked up.

Ryan’s honey eyes were staring at me.

“I’m sorry” I said, looking down at my hands.

A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up again. Ryan looked confused.

“They’re going to take you away tomorrow.”

His eyes widened.

“To a mental clinic. I’m not sure if I can visit you there.”

I looked down again and stayed silent.

***

I stayed at the hospital for the night. Doctor Tucker told me to go home and sleep properly but I ignored him.

So when I knew that no one would come by anymore, I crawled under the covers next to Ryan, who was half asleep already.

He had been emotionless since I told him that he would leave and I felt bad for him. If I could, I would just sneak him out of here and get him home.

In his half awake state, he managed to curl up against me and sighed.

“Do you want to sleep already?” I whispered.

I felt his hands claw in my shirt and he shook his head.

“Ryan, I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t move.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to go there.”

At that, Ryan started to sob and I felt like shit. He cried way too much in the last few days. Everything was just too much right now.

***

The next day was a torture.

Shortly after we woke up, Doctor Tucker came in and told us that Ryan would leave in half an hour. I shot him a glare and he left quickly. We packed Ryan’s things, well, he didn’t have much here anyway, and sat down on the bed again.

I noticed that Ryan was shaking slightly, but there was really nothing I could say or do.

When a nurse told us to come to the reception, we walked out into the hall. I was carrying Ryan’s backpack and he was clinging to me for dear life. He stared at every passing person with big fearful eyes.

When we arrived in the entrance area, Doctor Tucker was already waiting for us.

“So, the mental clinic is two hours away from here. We’ll get him there in one of the ambulance cars, just to be safe.”

Ryan looked up at me as if trying to say ‘Please, don’t let me go there’.

“Doctor- ” I started but he cut me off.

“No, Brendon. Your mother agreed. It’s for the best.”

He made a move with his head towards the door but Ryan didn’t move.

Then the doctor seemed to think and he slowly walked towards us.

“Ryan, if you don’t come along by yourself we have to give you an injection again, do you want that?”

When the boy was still not reacting, he looked at one of the nurses and she nodded and left just to come back a few seconds later with a syringe.

“Is this really necessary?” I asked when Ryan started to shake again.

“I’m afraid so.” The doctor said.

The nurse stepped towards Ryan as if he was an animal that she didn’t want to scare off.

“Stop it!” I yelled and she stopped. “That’s enough, he’s not going and that’s it.”

“Brendon, I already told you, it’s not your decision. If you’re in the way then we have to get you out of here. There is no other choice.”

I took a deep breath and turned to look at Ryan. I took him by his shoulders and leaned my forehead against his.

“I’m sorry” I whispered.

The doctor’s hand shot out to grab Ryan’s arm and the nurse gave him the injections quickly. He let out a quiet scream and tried to get away from them more.

I felt so guilty right now.

His head shot up and he stared at me and I could watch his eyes get unfocused. He looked down and swayed a bit. When his legs gave up, I held him up till the nurses came with a gurney and heaved him onto it. Then I watched as they carried the now sleeping boy outside and into the ambulance car. When the doors fell shut and the car started to drive, I felt even more helpless and alone.

After all, they managed to take him away from me.

“He will be okay.” I heard Doctor Tucker say.

“How long?” I asked.

“I don’t know. One, maybe two years.”

“Years?!”

“Something like that isn’t healed within a second. It needs time.”

“Will I be able to visit him?”

“I don’t think so. But you can call him, when he talks again and they can call you every week to tell you how he’s doing.”

My eyes started to fill with tears and I just nodded and left the hospital without another word.

I walked home, thinking, blaming myself for everything that had happened.

***

I walked home after that and when I stumbled through the door after an hour of walking, mom wasn’t there, probably working. I didn’t care.

I went up to my room, ignoring the growling of my stomach and threw myself on my bed. I took my cell phone out and dialled Jon’s number.

Tears were forming in my eyes again when he answered.

“Yeah?”

“He’s gone, Jon. They took him away.” I sobbed.

“What happened?”

“They brought him to a mental clinic and I won’t be able to visit him.”

“Woah, for real? Even I know that the kid will go insane without you.”

“I just don’t know what to do? I want my Ryan back.”

“Your Ryan? Alright, let me think, uhm, when is he coming back? Do you know that?”

“The doctor said one or two years.”

“Dear god.”

“I have to do something.”

“I’m sorry, Bren. I don’t really think that you’re able to get him out of there.”

I just sobbed louder and didn’t answer.

“It isn’t just that Ryan needs you, huh? You need him as well.”

“I didn’t even tell him I love him.”

“You- what? You know that I was just joking about- ”

“Jon!”

Then it was silent for a moment before Jon started to speak quietly.

“So, you do?”

“I- uhm … yeah. Yes, I do.”

“Okay, now I’ll start crying as well. This would be the best romance movie.”

“Totally”

“Let’s wait for the happy ending then.”

“Okay”

 

**Ryan’s POV**

When I woke up, my head hurt like hell. I groaned and opened my eyes slowly.

All I saw was white. I sat up and looked around.

I was in a small room, lying on a way too small and uncomfortable bed and the only things beside the bed were a table and a chair in the corner. Then there was a big door. It looked massive and had a small window, a really small window.

Then I remembered what happened. I was in the mental clinic now.

I started to hug myself, looking around wildly. Brendon said he wouldn’t be able to visit me, so I was all alone. I felt the tears come and when I looked down at my arms, they were shaking.

Brendon left me. He said he wouldn’t leave me. He lied.

An angry scream escaped my lips and I brought my hands up to fist in my hair.

When I heard a lock click, I looked up startled.

A woman walked in and closed the door again.

“Good morning, Ryan. My name is Doctor McClain.” She said with a warm smile. She wore glasses and had blonde hair that was tied up into a ponytail.

I looked at her with big eyes and didn’t move. My breathing got heavy when fear started to grow.

“I am not going to hurt you.”

I just shut my eyes and tried to ignore her.

When a hand touched my shoulder, I started to scream and she drew back. I crawled back under the covers completely, so that my head was covered as well.

I heard a sigh and the heavy door opened and shut again.

How long would I be able to live like that?

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I didn’t want to go to school on Monday, but mom made me go. I walked the way alone and it just didn’t feel right.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan. I was worried sick about him. I tried to convince mom that he should come home more then once but she just got angry and said that I was selfish.

Really? I was selfish here?

I started to think that she just wanted him to be gone. I remembered what she had been like when we were kids. She cared about Ryan. She always tried talking to him and sometimes she even cried at night. I heard it.

But now? I think she grew tired of it. Maybe she didn’t care after all.

“Mr. Urie, are you even listening?”

My head shot up and Mrs Landy was standing in front of my desk, looking down at me with a death glare.

“Uhm, sorry.” I murmured and she walked back to her desk and started talking about history again.

When the bell rang, I was the first one out. I ran towards my locker and opened it with too much force.

“Dude, calm down.” I heard a voice and turned around.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Jon.” I said angrily and started throwing books in my locker.

“Sorry, I just don’t know what to say, I guess.”

“Then just shut up!”

“Chill”

I shut my locker with a loud bang and turned around. I just wanted to say something when I saw someone in the hallway.

“I’ll be right back.” I said and walked down the hallway towards Pete.

He had his back towards me and so I just tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around I punched him right in the face.

“That’s your fault! Everything!” I yelled and I knew that everyone was looking at us now but I didn’t care.

He opened his mouth but my fist met his face again.

“I’ll fucking kill you!”

With that I tackled him to the ground and punched him in the face again and again.

When I felt hands that tried to pull me away from him, I just punched harder.

Jon managed to get me off him eventually and I was now standing there with clenched teeth, breathing heavy.

Pete’s face was covered in blood and I was a bit satisfied. He looked around at the people looking down at him and got up quickly to stumble towards the bathroom.

“Are you happy now?” Jon asked and I nodded.

“I just have to know something.” I said and started walking towards the bathroom as well. Jon held me back but I shot him a look that told him that I wouldn’t kill Pete and he let me go.

When I went into the bathroom, I saw Pete in front of the mirror with a few tissues in his hand. He shot me a quick glance through the mirror and looked away again.

“What do you want?” He hissed.

“I want to know why you did it. Was it really just for the money?”

He nodded and turned around.

“My sister is in the hospital and we don’t have enough money, so when your dad said that he could pay me, I just didn’t think.”

I looked at him sceptically.

“I swear I didn’t know what he wanted to do. He told me to bring Ryan to that old industrial building and I just agreed.”

I continued to stare at him.

“Where is Ryan? He wasn’t in english class today.”

“He’s not here.”

“Where is he?”

“At a mental clinic.” I almost sobbed.

Pete needed a moment to realize what I just said but then his eyes grew wide.

“What? Are you serious?”

I nodded.

“Fuck”

“Yes. Fuck.”

“How long will he be there?”

“A year, maybe two.” I said with my head down.

“Oh god. Brendon, I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s my fault. I should have though, I- are you crying?”

I shook my head but tears were streaming down my face.

“Fuck, what’s wrong?”

My head shot up again to glare at him.

“You want to know what’s wrong? Ryan is gone. He is gone and he will be for too long. I can’t do this.”

I stormed out of the bathroom, left the school and went home. I didn’t care about my following lessons. It was pointless anyway, since I couldn’t concentrate.

When I got home, I ignored my mother’s questions and climbed the stairs quickly. I ran into Ryan’s room and jumped onto his bed, burying my face in his pillow. It smelled like him and I fell asleep like that.

***

After that I went to school like a zombie. I didn’t talk much. I ignored everyone as good as I could. I was going crazy because I worried so much and I couldn’t wait for the weekend so that the clinic would call and I would know how he was doing.

Time passed way too slowly, but somehow I survived till Friday. Jon asked if I wanted to hang out but I just walked away.

When I got home, I made my homework and went to bed right after that. It was way too early and Ryan’s bed started to loose his smell but I continued sleeping in it. Mom didn’t ask about it and didn’t talk to me very much anyway.

When I got up and went down to eat breakfast on Saturday, mom was sitting in the kitchen, ready for work.

“Good morning, hun.” She said with a small smile.

I just groaned and sat down.

“The clinic called.”

I shot her a look.

“What? Already? I wanted to hear it myself.”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Sure. So?”

“He isn’t doing well. His condition didn’t change. He’s still afraid of everyone and he won’t let people touch him.”

“Did you really think that it would change?”

“Maybe”

“Then you’re stupid.”

With that I got up and left the room, leaving her gasping.

I climbed the stairs and went into Ryan’s room to lie down on his bed again. So, that was how I would spend my weekend.

***

Another week passed and I became more sad and worried with every day that passed. I cried at night and Mom pretended not to hear. She had to hear because I was sobbing way too loud.

When another week passed I couldn’t take it anymore. I begged mom to get him home but, as heartless as she was, she said no.

Jon forced me to hang out with him on the weekend but I would rather just lie in Ryan’s bed the whole time.

Another week passed. It was Saturday night and mom was working. Lying in Ryan’s bed, I thought. I did that a lot recently.

When the phone rang, I just wanted to ignore it, but something told me to get up. So I jumped off the bed and got the phone.

“Hello?” I asked, looking at the clock. It was 2 am. What could someone want at this time?

“Mr. Urie?” a woman asked.

“Uhm, yes. Who is this?”

“I’m calling from the mental hospital.”

My eyes grew wide.

“What? Why?” I asked panicked.

“Your brother tried to kill himself.”

My heart stopped at that.

“W-what?”

“We don’t know how it could happen. He slit his wrists with a scissor.”

“Is he okay?”

“He was lucky we noticed it. His wounds are already stitched and he is asleep now.”

I stared at nothing for a while before I spoke again.

“Okay, that’s it. I’ll come.”

“What?”

“I will be there in a few hours.”

“Mr. Urie, visitors aren’t allowed in our institution.”

“I don’t fucking care! I will come and get Ryan home!”

I hung up before she could say something and dialled another number.

It beeped a few times before a tired voice answered.

“What?”

“Can you come and get me?” I asked Jon.

“It’s the middle of the night, Bren. I’m sleeping.”

“Not anymore. Hurry!”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re here.”

“Bren- ”

“Jon Walker, you will get your ass out of bed right the fuck now! Get in your fucking car and come here!”

“I hope it is important, because if it’s not, I’ll kill you.”

“See you”

I hung up and changed into jeans, not caring about my shirt. Then I ran down the stairs to wait for Jon. 

***

When Jon’s car finally parked in front of the house, I jumped in immediately.

“So, what is so important that- ” Jon started but I cut him off.

“Ryan”

“What about him?”

“He tried to kill himself.” I said simply, but I already felt the tears in my eyes.

“What?!”

I nodded and he seemed to know where to drive, because he started the car.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, for now.”

“Fuck. How- ” he started but stopped when he saw my face. I just stared in front of me, crying.

“Bren, everything’s going to be okay. We’ll get him now.”

“Nothing is fucking okay and it won’t be. He fucking tried to kill himself. I mean, why would he do that?”

“Maybe because he wants to die?”

“You’re not helping so shut up!” I yelled.

We drove in silence for a while. I just stared out of the window.

“Are you sure that they will let you take him with you?” Jon asked after a while.

“They have to.”

“Maybe, just maybe, this place helps him, think about it.”

“Jon! He- ” tried to kill himself.

“Okay, okay.”

“If it would help him he wouldn’t have done it.”

“I just wonder how he did it. I mean, they won’t let him get to something sharp …”

At that I started to think about it. The woman said that he cut his wrists with scissors. I tried to picture it. The red marks on his arms. Would I be able to see it without breaking down?

“Bren, stop crying.” Jon said and I wiped over my cheeks.

“Sorry, I just- ”

“Stop worrying. I’ll tell you what will happen. We will get there and we will get Ryan out of there somehow. Then you take him home and start your fixing thing again and he will cling to you like a lost puppy, but at least he won’t try to kill himself again. And maybe one day he will be okay.”

I said nothing.

“Oh, and of course, you have to confess your love to him after we got him out.” He said with a small smile and I managed a small grin myself.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

I shot him a look and he started to laugh.

“Okay, maybe not always, but most of the time.”

I let my head fall back and tried to calm down a bit. I thought about napping a bit but every time I closed my eyes, pictures of cuts on white doll-like skin came into my mind and I decided to just look out of the window.

“Jon, I’m scared.” I murmured after a while.

He sighed sadly.

“I would say ‘don’t be’ but … well.”

I nodded and tried to close my eyes again, just to see those images again.

“Could you drive … like … faster?” I whispered and he let out a small laugh.

“You’ll see him soon enough.”

I looked out of the window again and didn’t say a single word for the rest of the ride.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I was crying. Again.

I cried since I did it. I just couldn’t stop.

I was lying on the uncomfortable bed, my hands were tied to my sides. They said they were worried that I would try to get the bandages off. They said I would try to do it again.

They were right.

Why couldn’t they understand?

My head rolled to the side when the heavy door opened and Doctor McClain walked in.

She sat down on the chair and read through some papers.

“Why did you do it?” she asked.

I rolled my head back and closed my eyes to block her out.

“Ryan, answer me.”

I didn’t answer.

I heard a sigh.

“We called your brother.”

My eyes opened.

“I think he’s on his way to get you.”

I continued to stare at the ceiling.

“I don’t think that it is a good idea. You’re even worse then when you got here in the first place.”

Another sigh

I closed my eyes and after a few minutes I heard the door lock again.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

After almost three hours, Jon parked the car in the clinic’s parking lot. I got out of the car and looked up at the building. It looked grey and sad.

“It even looks like a madhouse.” Jon growled, a little bit annoyed because of the long ride.

I started walking towards the front door, Jon following me. We walked in and I looked around. There were a few chairs and a small kind of reception. A woman stood behind it, reading a magazine.

I shot Jon a look and walked forward. The lady looked up and put the magazine away.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Uhm, I- I think we talked on the phone a few hours ago.”

“Oh, so you’re the overprotective brother?”

I opened my mouth but shut it again.

“Yep, that’s him.” Jon said.

“So, what do you think you’re about to do now?” she asked.

“I thought- ”

“You thought that you could just come here and get your brother home, right? Everyone thinks that they can just walk in here to see someone. What about ‘no visitors’ don’t you understand?”

I looked down. Really? What did I think? I came here for nothing.

“Listen, his brother tried to kill himself, okay? Is it really that hard to understand that he wants to see him?” Jon said.

She opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off.

“Please. I have to see him.” I whispered, almost crying again.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.” She sighed.

At her words, I felt the first tear run down my cheek.

“Please” I said again but she just shook her head. 

Suddenly, all my worry and sadness was replaced with rage. I balled my hands into fists and leaned forward.

“Listen, I want to see Ryan. Now. And I will take him with me because this is obviously not doing him any good.” I said through clenched teeth.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but- ” she started.

“What is going on?” a voice asked and we turned to look at a woman with blonde hair and glasses.

“These boys want to take one of our patients home.” The lady behind the counter said.

“Are you Ryan’s brother?” the woman with the glasses asked.

I nodded, still somewhat angry.

“I’m Doctor McClain. I’m his Doctor.”

She stepped closer and we shook hands.

“I think we could make an exception. Seeing the latest events.” She said with a look at the other lady. “But not both of you.”

I nodded and sent Jon an apologetic look. He just waved it off and looked after us as Doctor McClain lead me through a door, walking along a hallway.

“I have to warn you, don’t expect too much. He won’t let anyone touch him and he won’t talk. Don’t be too disappointed.”

I smiled to myself.

She stopped in front of an elevator and pushed the button.

“Are you just here to see him or- ”

“I would like to take him home with me.” I said without emotion.

She nodded and we stepped in as the elevator arrived.

“I don’t think that is possible. I mean, because of his condition.”

“Let’s see.”

When the doors opened again, she stepped out and walked along the hallway in front of us. She stopped in front of a door and turned around. My heart was beating so fast and loud that she had to hear.

“Any sharp objects?”

I shook my head.

“Alright, don’t be shocked, we had to tie his hands down. We couldn’t take the risk.”

I wanted to say something but if I would open my mouth I would just yell at her for what they did and so I remained silent.

She shot me a last look and opened the door.

She stayed outside and made a motion for me to go inside.

I walked in and I wanted to cry at the sight.

Ryan was lying on a tiny bed, his hands tied tightly at his sides. My sight got blurry when tears filled my eyes.

“I’ll leave you alone.” I heard a voice behind me and the door locked again.

I stood there for a few moments, unable to speak or move.

Tears were running down my face.

“Ryan” I breathed out after a while.

His eyes opened and he turned his head to look at me. I moved closer till I was standing next to the bed.

“Oh my god” I whispered.

His eyes were staring up at me. He looked as if he had been crying for days.

I bit my lip that was trembling a little. Then I looked down at the buckles that were tying his hands down. Without thinking, I brought my hands up to undo the first one. My hands were shaking and I cursed silently. He just continued to stare at me.

When I freed his first hand, he didn’t move it and I leaned over him to undo the second one.

When he was free, he looked at me for a little while longer before he sat up slowly, never breaking eye contact. When he was sitting right in front of me, he looked down and let himself fall forward.

I caught him and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered in his hair.

He wasn’t holding onto me like usual, just hanging limp in my arms. 

“You won’t stay here, I promise.”

I drew back and he leaned back against the wall.

My eyes shot down to look at his wrists which were covered in bandages. I reached out and took both of his arms.

“Why?” I whimpered and looked up into his eyes.

He didn’t answer and looked down.

“What would I do if you would have died?”

He sobbed and looked up. Then he did something I didn’t expect. He opened his mouth and started to whisper.

“I’m sorry. I thought you left me. I didn’t know how to get through this alone.”

I let out a silent laugh and sat on the bed in front of him to pull him against me again.

“My poor baby brother.”

I heard him laugh as well and my smile grew.

Then I heard the door open again.

“Alright, I saw enough.” Doctor McClain said.

I tightened my grip and turned my head a little to look at her.

“Brendon, can we talk for a moment?”

I let go and looked at Ryan. He held onto my arm for dear life. The situation was kind of familiar.

“Just a moment” I said and wriggled out of his grip to leave the room after the doctor.

“I saw everything through the surveillance camera.” She said with a small smile.

I remained silent.

“Doctor Tucker told me how much Ryan was clinging to you. I didn’t believe him, I have to admit. Well, now I saw it myself and I don’t think that he’ll make any progress in here.”

“Does that mean- ”

“Yes, you can take him home.”

“Thank you!” I almost yelled happily. 

***

We were on our way home. Jon was driving and Ryan and I were sitting in the back. Ryan was curled up against my side, asleep. I had an arm around him and rested my head on top of his.

Since we left the clinic, I had a smile on my face.

“Is he asleep?” Jon whispered.

“Yep”

“So, when do you plan on confessing your love?” he asked with a wide smile.

“Shut up” I said with a smile as well.

I tightened my grip on Ryan a bit and placed a kiss on his head.

“My god, could you stop being so adorable?” Jon laughed.

“Tell him that.” I whispered.

Jon turned his head to look at us quickly before he faced the road again.

“Yeah, you’re right, he’s way cuter then you are.”

I gasped and he laughed again.

“Chill, he’s all yours.”

I rolled my eyes and buried my face in Ryan’s hair.

Then I drew back and looked at him. He was too pale to be healthy, his hair making a big contrast to his skin. Even his lips were pale. I let my gaze linger on his lips for a moment before I leaned forward and caught his lips in a kiss. He was cold, way too cold.

I drew back when I felt him stir. His eyes opened and for a moment he looked around, confused. Then his eyes fell on me and he smiled.

I brought a hand up and touched his cheek.

“You’re so cold.” I whispered.

He let his head fall and leaned against my shoulder. I rubbed his arms to warm him up a bit.

“Boys, we’re almost home.”

Ryan flinched and I just nodded. I didn’t let go till Jon stopped in front of our house.

“Welcome back” He said with a smile.

“Thank you” I said.

“No problem”

Ryan slowly let go of me and looked at Jon. He mouthed a ‘thanks’ and Jon smiled at him.

We got out of the car and Jon drove off quickly.

Ryan looked at our house as if it would eat him any second. I brushed my hand against his and he entwined our fingers. I leaned down a bit to whisper in his ear.

“Are you scared?”

He turned his head slowly to look up at me. Then he gave me a small smile and shook his head. I beamed at him and began to tug him along, towards the front door.

I opened the door and we stepped inside. The door fell shut loudly and we just stood there. Then I heard steps walking towards us.

“Brendon, thank god, where- ”

Mom stopped talking when she saw Ryan. She brought her hands up to her hips and looked at us with her mouth slightly open.

“Ryan, hey. What are you doing here?”

My mouth fell open. I couldn’t believe she was reacting like this. If she would have missed Ryan, she would tackle him into a hug. But no, she just asked what he was doing here.

I shot her a glare and tugged Ryan along, past her and up the stairs. She didn’t say a word. We went along the hall and into Ryan’s room. The door fell shut and I wrapped my arms around him again.

“I can’t believe she reacted like that. I’m sorry.”

He just nodded against me.

“God, I missed you so much.”

I tightened my grip and he made a high pitched noise. I let him go and looked at him. God, I missed those eyes. Without thinking, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, roughly. He let out a whimper but opened his mouth for me to slide my tongue in. I brought my hands up to grip at his hips and pushed him backwards a bit, till he hit the bed. I gave another push and we fell on the bed, Ryan on his back and I on top of him, never breaking the kiss.

Ryan let out a silent moan and I broke the kiss, just to lick along his jaw. I kissed down his throat and started sucking in the crook of his neck, leaving a mark.

I drew back after a while, looking at the red mark I left on his white skin.

“I swear, I’ll kill everyone who ever tries to take you away from me again.” I whispered.

I leaned down to rest my forehead against his, looking in his wide eyes.

“Ryan, I- ”

At that moment, my mom decided to knock on the door.

“Brendon?”

I clenched my teeth and gave Ryan a peck on the lips before I got up and walked to the door.

“What?!” I spat when I opened the door a bit.

“Uhm, can we talk?” she asked.

I looked over my shoulder to Ryan, who was sitting on the bed, looking at me with big curious eyes.

“Okay” I murmured and shot Ryan a long look before I left the room, closing the door behind me.

“So?” I asked, annoyed.

“Let’s go down into the living room.” She said and started walking down the hall and the stairs.

When we sat on the couch in the living room, Mom stayed silent for a few minutes before she started talking.

“I’m going to revoke the adoption.”

I stared at her with my mouth open.

“Wha- you can’t do this.”

“I can.”

“N-no you can’t.”

“Brendon, I can and I will.”

I felt tears in my eyes again. I was crying way too often.

“B-but why?”

“I think that’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“N-no?”

“This isn’t a family, Brendon. Ryan isn’t talking to me or even noticing me and I just can’t cope with all of this anymore, okay?”

“No! You can’t do this!” I started to yell.

“Are you even thinking about me? All I can do is pay for his medications and therapy but he isn’t my son.”

“Is this even legal? Can you do it just like that?”

“Yes, I can.”

My gaze wandered off and I started to stare down at the floor for a while.

“What’s with Ryan then?” I asked, still staring.

“He isn’t 18 yet, so if he doesn’t find somewhere to live soon, he has to go back to the orphanage.”

“Wow”

I felt her gaze on me and looked up with wet eyes.

“You really are heartless.”

With that I got up and ran out of the room and up the stairs. I stormed into Ryan’s room. He was still sitting on his bead and when he saw my tears, he looked confused and worried.

“How could I think that they would leave us alone?” I sobbed and collapsed on the bed, next to Ryan, burying my head in the pillow.

“What happened?” I heard him whisper.

“We won’t be brothers anymore.” I sobbed.

After I said that, it was silent for a while. When I looked up, Ryan was staring at me.

“W-what?” he asked shocked.

I wiped over my cheeks and sat up.

“Mom said that she will revoke the adoption.”

Ryan’s eyes grew wide.

“C-can she do that?”

I looked down and nodded.

“What am I going to do then? I- I don’t want to be alone.” He whispered.

“You won’t be alone, I promise.” I placed my hands on his shoulders. “She said that you have to go back to the orphanage when you don’t find a place to live.”

He looked down and bit his lip.

“I don’t know where to go and … uhm … I don’t think that I would get through all of this on my own.”

My eyes went down and lingered on the bandages that were still hiding his wounds.

Suddenly I made a decision. It wasn’t even a decision, because I had no other choice.

“I’ll come with you.” I said, still staring at the bandages. 

***

We didn’t leave the room for the rest of the day. I just went down once to get something to eat.

It was late afternoon and we spent our whole day in Ryan’s bed.

I was lying on my back and Ryan was curled up against me.

“How was it?” I asked.

Ryan just hid his face even more in my shoulder.

“Ry, what did they do to you?”

I heard a sob and then muffled talking.

“Most of the time I was in my room, well, it was more a cell then a room. They gave me a lot of medications and this woman came in everyday to talk to me but I never said a word. Sometimes they brought me to some sort of group therapy, but it always ended with me freaking out.”

“So they didn’t help you very much.”

“Are you kidding me? I was there because of my fear of being touched and being around people and they just gave me medications so that I couldn’t think properly. This isn’t really helping.”

“I wish I got you out of there earlier.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Really? Sounds like it to me.”

He sat up next to me and shook his head.

“Brendon, stop it. It’s not your fault.”

I sat up as well and grabbed his wrists with both hands.

“I shouldn’t have let them take you there in the first place.”

Ryan just stared down and said nothing.

“Really, it kind of is my fault.”

“You couldn’t do anything against it.” He whispered.

I didn’t talk for a while. I just sat there, looking down at the bandages. I waited for Ryan to pull away but he didn’t.

“Did you really want to die so bad?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“In that moment I wanted to, yes.”

“You don’t want to anymore?”

“No”

“Why?”

“Because now I know that someone cares. I’m not alone.”

“You’ve never been.”

“Except for the time I was at that clinic.” He said with a serious laugh.

“You know what I mean.”

He nodded.

“So, are you really coming with me when I have to leave?” he asked, looking up at me with big eyes.

“Of course”

Still holding his bandaged wrists, I leaned forward to kiss him.

In that moment, I heard a short knock and then the door opened.

“Brendon, I think- ”

I drew back and looked at my mom standing in the door. She looked at us with wide eyes and her mouth slightly open.

We just stared at each other and after a while, Ryan seemed to get nervous, because he sat back against the wall, hugging his knees to his body.

“Alright, that’s it. Ryan, pack your things, I’ll drive you to the orphanage.” She said and left the room.

I jumped off the bed immediately and ran after her.

“Mom! You can’t do that!” I yelled.

She turned.

“What was that?!”

“What is your problem? We won’t be brothers anymore anyway.”

“My son is not a fag, do you understand?”

“I think that is really my decision.”

“Brendon, you are throwing away everything for that boy. I mean, the whole time he was gone you just spent in his room, crying.”

“I’m sorry that I care about him, you goddamn homophobe!”

“Brendon Boyd Urie!”

“I always thought you loved me, no matter what. But hey, I thought that you loved Ryan, too. I don’t know why I’m so surprised that you react like that.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long is this already going on?”

“The kissing? We made out at that party, since then.”

“What?!”

I started to laugh hysterically.

“I am not a homophobe.” she said then in a threatening voice.

“Oh really? Then take back what you said and let Ryan stay, at least till you revoke the adoption!”

“No”

“Alright” I just said and stormed back into the room. Ryan was still sitting on the bed, pressed against the wall.

I got my cell phone and dialled Jon’s number. It took a few seconds for him to get it.

“Hey” he said in a tired voice.

“Can you come and get us?”

“Why this time?”

“Will you?!”

“ … yes, of course.”

“Thanks”

I hung up and put the phone in my pocket.

“Pack your stuff.” I demanded.

“W-why?”

“Because we’re leaving.”

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe we can stay with Jon a few days.”

“Brendon, you don’t have to do this.”

“Shut up!” I totally yelled.

I saw him flinch and I knew that I made a mistake.

“Ryan, I’m sorry.”

He said nothing and looked away.

I sighed and started to pack a few of my things in a big backpack. Then I put Ryan’s things into a suitcase.

When I heard a horn, I took the backpack and the suitcase and held my hand out for Ryan to take.

He actually took it, but didn’t look at me as I lead him out of the room and down the stairs.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Mom asked. She was standing in the kitchen door with folded arms.

“Fuck you” I said before I lead us out of the door. I closed it loudly and walked to Jon’s car.

I opened the door and crawled in the backseat, tugging Ryan with me.

“So, what is it this time?” Jon asked.

“Mom is a bitch.”

“Wow, not too much information, please.”

“Can we just come home with you? You’re living alone in an apartment, right?”

“Yes … alright but then you have to tell me what’s going on.”

“Okay, thank you”

***

When we arrived at Jon’s apartment, he showed us the guest room and Ryan decided to lay down a bit. I closed the door and went into the living room and fell down onto the couch next to Jon.

“So?” he asked.

“Uhm, yeah. I should start at the beginning.”

“Yep”

“So, my mom decided to revoke the adoption.”

“What? Is that legal?”

“Seems like it.”

“Go on”

“She said that, because Ryan isn’t 18 yet, he has to go back to the orphanage if he doesn’t find a place to live. I freaked out and stayed with Ryan in his room the whole day. We talked and stuff and just when I … kissed him, mom decided to come in.”

“She saw you two make out?”

“We didn’t exactly make out … but yes.”

“Whoa”

“She said she would drive Ryan to the orphanage immediately. She said that she doesn’t want me to be a ‘fag’.”

“She said ‘fag’?”

“Yep”

“Damn”

“We argued a bit and then I rushed back into the room and we packed our things and yeah …”

“Wow”

“Yep”

“So you confessed your love already?”

“Jon!”

“Sorry, sorry, but I mean, you’re totally making out. You should, like, marry or something.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, you two are just incredibly cute together.”

“Uhm, thanks?”

“Is Ryan mad or something?”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t cuddle you to death in the car.”

“I kind of yelled at him.”

“That wasn’t really intelligent, huh?”

“Shut up”

Then there was silence for a while. It wasn’t really awkward, but it wasn’t pleasant either. There was a question hanging in the air.

“So, where are you two going now?” Jon asked finally.

“I don’t know yet.”

“You can stay here till you found something, of course.”

“Thank you”

“No problem”

“No really. Thank you for everything. I asked so much from you.”

“That’s what friends do.”

“I guess.”

“And you know what lovers do?”

I looked at him with a frown.

“They cuddle and make out, so leave. Go to your precious Ryan.” He said with a warm smile.

I smiled back and got up and just when I was about to leave the room, Jon called me back.

“Oh and Brendon? You should maybe tell him that you love him now.”

“I totally hate you.” I said with a grin before I disappeared into the hall.

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I lay in the bed, covers over my head. I felt horrible. Everything was my fault. Brendon would be at home with his family if I wouldn’t be there.

I couldn’t judge him for yelling at me. He had every right to.

I was on the edge of crying when I heard a soft knock on the door. A few seconds later, the door opened and Brendon walked in. He closed the door again and walked to the bed.

“Ry?”

I didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“I’m not mad at you.” I whispered.

Brendon removed the covers from over my head and looked down at me.

“Then what is it?”

I buried my face in the pillow.

“It’s just that … all of this is my fault.”

He sat down next to me.

“No” he said simply.

“Yes, it is.”

“No”

I wanted to open my mouth again but he cut me off.

“Say that it is your fault again and I will get mad.”

I looked away and remained silent. We stayed like this for a moment. Then Brendon lay down next to me so that we were facing each other.

“Can we just forget everything for a while? Mom, Dad, the clinic. Everything?” he asked seriously.

I nodded quickly and then it was silent again. I could feel that Brendon was staring at me but I didn’t look up. After a while I started to feel a bit uneasy.

“C-could you stop staring at me?” I whispered, still not looking at him.

“Why? I like looking at you. You’re pretty.”

I finally looked up.

“You almost look like a girl.” He said with a grin.

I glared at him.

“What? I didn’t say that it is a bad thing.”

The glare didn’t leave my face but Brendon just grinned and before I could react, he was kissing me.

At first, I tried to push him away but after a while I gave up and let him place himself on top of me. His hand was in my hair and my fingers were clawing at his back.

We kissed for a while before I finally managed to pull away.

“Bren, what is this?” I whispered.

He rested his forehead on mine and looked me in the eyes.

“What do you want it to be?” he asked.

I didn’t answer and just stared back at him. He seemed to wait for an answer and when he realized that he wouldn’t get one, he moved forward a bit so that his lips were almost touching mine.

“I think I love you, Ryan.” He whispered.

When I heard his words, something inside of me clicked. I fell back into the pillow and stared up at Brendon. He bit his lip nervously. Tears were filling my eyes and his look changed from nervous to worried.

“Why are you crying?” he asked with worry and fear in his voice.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and placed my face in the crook of his neck.

“Because I’m happy.” I whispered. “No one ever loved me.”

“That’s not true.”

I let the tears fall but I was smiling.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

We fell asleep early after that, with me cuddling Ryan to death.

When I woke up this morning, we were still in the same position. I smiled down at Ryan, who was still asleep, and climbed out of the bed.

I left the room and walked into the kitchen, where Jon was already sitting on the table, drinking his coffee.

“You’re not at school.” I stated.

“You either.”

I smiled and grabbed a cup myself.

“Did you finally do it?” he asked with a smirk.

I just smiled back.

“Yep”

 

**Ryan’s POV**

When I woke up, I was shivering. I reached beside me with one hand, but there was no one on the other side of the bed. I groaned and opened my eyes, just to see that I was indeed alone.

I sat up and looked around. I needed a moment to remember what happened and that I was in Jon’s guest room.

And then I remembered the little talk with Brendon before we fell asleep and a big smile spread on my face.

Quickly, I jumped off the bed and out of the door. I stopped in the hall and listened and when I heard voices come out of the living room, I just smiled wider.

I started to walk towards the door slowly and peeked inside.

Brendon and Jon were sitting in front of the TV, talking.

“So, what exactly are you two going to do now? You can stay here as long as you need to, of course, but you can’t just live from love.” Jon said silently.

“I know.”

Jon turned to Brendon and let out a heavy sigh.

“Bren, are you serious about all of this? About you and Ryan living together or whatever it is that you have in mind?”

“Well, yes, that’s the plan.”

“So you don’t plan on getting back home.”

“No. I don’t want to live in the same house as my mom. And we both know that I wouldn’t have left Ryan anyway.”

The smile, which had faded a bit since I started listening, came back.

“True. So you really want to do this?”

“Yep”

“Alright then. Listen. At first, Ryan should go back to school. You should get a job, you two need money. When you’re steady enough, get a cheap apartment.”

“A job?”

“Yes, a job. I work at Starbucks part time, so I can afford this apartment. I could talk to my boss about giving you a job as well.”

Brendon didn’t reply right away. He seemed to think.

“Alright, yes. Could you do that?” he then asked with a pleading hint in his voice.

“Of course”

“Thanks”

“No problem. So, uhm, how is Ryan?”

Brendon sighed.

“I don’t really know. He was happy yesterday and that makes me happy, too, but I think that he needs time.”

Brendon sounded sad and maybe even a bit frustrated and my smile faded.

“He will get better eventually. I mean, everything is settled now, isn’t it? Your dad can’t reach him anymore and he has you.”

“Yeah, but I honestly don’t think that he should go to school again, seeing how it ended last time.”

“I think that something like that isn’t going to happen again. You kicked Pete’s ass, so he won’t come near him and I think everyone knows to do the same.”

“But what if something happens again?”

“Nothing will happen again.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Just look after him and he will be fine.”

Then there was a long silence before Brendon spoke again.

“I’m just scared for him. I don’t want him to get hurt again, physically and emotionally.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore and so I opened the door completely and walked into the room. I went towards the couch and sat down next to Brendon, curling up beside him.

I heard Jon laugh and looked up at him.

“He’s like a puppy.”

“’m not.” I whispered and Jon stopped laughing and stared at me.

“Wow, did you just talk?”

“Seems like it.”

“But you never talk to anyone beside Brendon.”

“I can go back to silence if you want me to.”

“No, no. Not at all.” His smile returned.

“Good”

Brendon wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his shoulder.

“Good morning” he whispered in my ear and I just muffled something back.

“Did you sleep well?”

I nodded quickly but then drew back a bit so I could look at him.

“But you were not there when I woke up.” I said with a pout.

“Sorry, couldn’t sleep anymore and Jon made coffee so I had to get up.” He said with an apologetic smile.

“So, uhm, we should maybe go to school tomorrow.” Jon said a bit uneasy, but still smiling.

“Yes, we should.” I said and looked from Jon back to Brendon who sent me an unsure look but I just smiled.

“Why are you suddenly so brave?” he asked with a forced smile.

“Because I have to get over it finally. I can’t just hide every time I see a human being because there are quite a few out there.” I said sarcastically.

“Puppy grows balls.” Jon laughed and I shot him a look.

“Are you sure you want to go to school again? I mean, a bit more then 24 hours ago you were still in a mental clinic.”

I glared at him and detangled myself from him to sit beside him.

“To be honest, no I don’t want to and I am not brave at all.” I sighed. “But I can’t just hide in here forever. I mean, I am 17, Brendon. I can’t act like a scared child all the time.”

I looked down, avoiding eye contact.

“Ry, stop it. You shouldn’t force yourself to do something when you’re still afraid.” Brendon said while looking at me with a worried frown.

“The only way for me to get at least a bit normal is to get over it the hard way, face it.”

He drew back and stared at me.

“Are you really sure?”

“My god, yes”

“Okay then. Now let’s stop arguing and come here to cuddle with me again. We still have a lot to catch up.”

At first I didn’t move, but then he started to pout and I had to smile. He beamed and I curled up against him again.

“Alright, I think I’ll just go … out.” Jon said awkwardly after a while.

Brendon murmured something I didn’t catch and then Jon left the room.

“So, you talk to Jon now, huh? Big step?” Brendon asked, slightly amused.

“He’s okay.”

“So I still won’t hear something from you when we’re in school?”

“I don’t know.”

Brendon brought an arm up to wrap it around me and pulled me into him a bit so he could place a kiss on my head. We stayed in this position quite a while and I was just about to drift off to sleep again when he started to whisper.

“I love you”

I smiled and moved my head a bit so I could look at him.

“I love you, too”

He beamed and tightened his grip and just when he started to hum a melody, I fell asleep.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I looked down at the sleeping boy in my arms and I couldn’t stop a smile. I moved a hand through his hair and he sighed contently, still asleep.

It seemed as if me finally saying those three words made Ryan lose a bit of his fear. Maybe he just needed to know that he was loved, because when he was young, no one told him that or showed it at least.

He just needed love, so I would try my best to give it to him.

“Aw, puppy fell asleep.”

I looked up to see Jon leaning against the door frame, grinning down at us.

“Stop calling him ‘puppy’.” I murmured.

“But he acts like one.”

“Shut up”

“Do you think he will get better? That this is the right way?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll see.”

***

The next morning, we had to get up early. It was hard to get Ryan out of bed because he wasn’t used to the lack of sleep anymore. It ended with me heaving him out of the bed.

“Bren, put me down.” He murmured, still half asleep.

“No” I said simply.

With him over my shoulder, I walked out of the room and towards the bathroom. Jon was just coming out of his room and stopped every motion when he saw us.

“Uhm”

“He wouldn’t get up.” I said without even looking at him. I went into the bathroom and put Ryan down. He was still looking very tired but at least he could stand without falling over.

“That wasn’t necessary.” He murmured.

“It kind of was.”

“Fuck you”

“Not such words, young man.”

He rolled his eyes and pushed me backwards.

“Get out”

“Why?”

“Because I want to take a shower now.”

“And why do I have to leave then?” I asked with a mischievously smirk.

He just rolled his eyes again and closed the door in front of me. I started to grin and turned around. Jon was standing in front of me, looking at me with a knowing smirk.

“What?” I asked.

“Do I have to comment on what just happened?”

“No”

“Okay”

He laughed and walked off towards the kitchen, probably to make coffee.

“Bren?” I heard Ryan murmur from the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Could you maybe get me some clothes?”

“Sure, wait”

I went into the guest room and opened the suitcase that was lying on the floor.

I grabbed boxers, trousers, a white shirt and a black vest and headed back to the bathroom.

I knocked briefly and the door opened a bit and a hand shot out. I handed him the clothes and the door closed again.

I rolled my eyes with a smile and walked into the kitchen, where Jon was leaning on the counter, a cup of coffee in his hand.

I got coffee myself and leaned on the wall across from him.

“I still think that it is a bad idea.” I said and took a sip.

“I know, but it’s his decision.” Jon murmured into his cup. “Wanna eat something.”

I shook my head.

“No, thanks. Can’t eat so early.”

He just shrugged his shoulders and put his empty cup into the sink before leaving the room.

When I finished my coffee as well, I put the cup away and walked into the hall. Just when I wanted to disappear into the guest room again, the bathroom door opened and Ryan’s head came into sight.

“Uhm, c-could you help me?” he asked with a somewhat worried look.

“Sure” I walked over. “What is it?”

“I have to change the bandages.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Oh”

“Could you get them? They’re in the suitcase.”

I nodded and walked over into the guest room again. After a bit searching, I found the bandages and made my way back to the bathroom. Once inside, I closed the door. Ryan sat on the closed toilet lid. He was already wearing his trousers, shirt and vest in his hands. I tried not to stare at his bare chest and walked over to take the clothes from his hands to place them on the floor for now.

Then I kneed in front if him and he held his wrists out for me, biting his lip. I paused for a moment before I started to unwrap the old bandages on one wrist.

I tried not to look at the skin under them and concentrated on unwrapping. When I finished one arm, I did the same with the other.

Once finished with both, I put the old bandages away and when I looked up again, I finally looked at Ryan’s wrists. I held back a choke because there were millions of red deep cuts. They looked as if he just aggressively cut into his skin, wanting to destroy everything. 

“God, Ry” I whispered.

“Please don’t, we already had that conversation.” He whispered back.

I looked up at him briefly before I looked down again. He would have the scars his whole life and that thought was almost making me cry.

“Could you just- ” Ryan started and I nodded quickly and took the new bandages to wrap them around his wrists. Once I was finished with both, I grabbed his clothes and got up. I motioned towards Ryan with his shirt and he understood and lifted his arms, so I could put the shirt on him. Then I handed him his vest and once he was fully clothed, I leaned down to pull him into me. I pulled him off the seat like that and we stayed in the embrace for a few minutes before I pulled away.

“Ready?” I asked, taking his hand.

He nodded.

“Ready”

 

**Ryan’s POV**

We went to school a bit earlier then necessary because we had to talk to the director first.

I was slightly happy about the early hour, because not many students were already there. Brendon was pulling me through the hallways by my hand. Yep, we were holding hands, in school.

Once entered the office, I got silent and Brendon did all the talking. In less then ten minutes, I was a student at this school again and Brendon took my books and we headed out of the door to find my new locker. We found it rather quickly and Brendon heaved the books in there, relieved.

“So, you still think that it is a good idea?” he asked.

Really, I wanted to scream ‘no’ and beg him to get me out of here, but I had to try, for Brendon. He did so much for me and I was only a stupid mentally ill kid.

“Ry?”

I blinked a few times before I nodded but he didn’t seem to believe it.

“You can go home if you want to, really.”

“Stop it, I’ll stay.” I whispered.

“But why? Are you doing this to prove something to yourself?”

“No, I’m doing this because I have to grow some balls some time.”

“Ry- ”

I stared down at my timetable, which wasn’t different from the one I had last year. My first class would be english, with Pete, and completely alone.

“I should go.” I murmured and turned around to head off, but a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back and before I could realize what was happening, Brendon’s lips were pressed to mine. He drew back quickly, looking at me with a smirk.

“If Pete or anyone else does something to you, tell me. I’ll kill whoever I have to.”

I smiled and pecked him on the lips.

“Okay”

He looked at me a few seconds longer before he released me and I headed off. Once out of Brendon’s sight, I let my head fall so nobody would see my eyes. I tried to evade everyone who came near me and in no time, I was standing in front of my english class. I didn’t miss this at all. I took a deep breath and slowly counted to three in my head. Then I simply walked inside. A few students were already there and I just looked at the ground and headed for my beloved seat in the back.

I let my backpack fall to the floor and lay my head onto the table in front of me and closed my eyes, ignoring everything.

“Hey, look who’s back.”

I opened my eyes but didn’t move.

“Psycho, I’m talking to you.”

I felt a hand in my hair and my head was roughly pulled up. I brought my own hands up, trying to make him let go.

“Do I have your attention now?” Chris asked with a smirk.

I groaned and struggled in a try to free myself, but it was pointless.

“Where have you been? We thought you finally jumped off a bridge.” He laughed.

“Chris, let him go.” I heard another voice.

The blonde boy turned his head a bit so he could look at the person before he looked at me again.

“Oh, is Pete your friends now? Did you join the emo club?”

When he pulled a little bit harder, I started to whimper.

“Seriously, stop it.” Pete said with a little bit more force now.

“No, but I have a good idea. Chelsea, hand me your eyeliner.” Chris demanded and a blonde girl appeared at his side. He took the eyeliner pencil she held out and made an attempt to put it onto my face. I started to struggle and push against him.

“Stop it!” Pete yelled but Chris didn’t even stir.

“Hold his hands back.” The blonde guy demanded and the girl stepped behind me, grabbing my wrists harshly. I cried out in pain as she pushed onto my wounds. For a moment, they stopped and looked at each other, but then Chris eventually attacked my eyes with the black pencil. I felt him draw it around my eyes and then he drew back and looked at me with a satisfied smirk.

“Not really emo, looks more like a girl.” He said and then he started laughing as if he just heard the funniest joke in his entire life. The girl let me go and my legs gave in and I fell to the floor. The bullies were standing above me, laughing. I could feel the tears that were about to come and in a quick movement, I grabbed my backpack, got up and pushed past them. Pete made an attempt to talk to me but I ignored him and ran out of the classroom and to the bathrooms.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I couldn’t really pay attention to whatever the teacher said. I was worried about Ryan. When I looked at the clock, I saw that not even ten minutes had passed. I sighed and tried to calm down.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Pete stepped in.

“Uhm, sorry to interrupt but I have to talk to Brendon for a moment.” He said a bit out of breath.

The teacher shot me a look and nodded. I looked at Pete with confusion and he waved with his hand to tell me that I should come with him.

I got up and walked through the class and left the room after Pete.

“What is it?” I snapped once we were in the hallway.

“Ryan” was all he said.

Now I worried even more.

“What’s with him?”

“Chris harassed him before class and put eyeliner on him.”

“He did what?!”

“He- ”

“Where’s Ryan?”

“I think he ran off to the bathroom.”

I started running along the hallway immediately, leaving Pete there. 

 

**Ryan’s POV**

I pushed the door open and stopped in front of the mirror, leaning my hands on the sink.

My hair was a mess, my eyes were red and smeared with black. I wiped the tears away that made their way down my cheek. Then I tried to wipe the smeared black away till it looked as if I was actually wearing make up.

I stared at myself for a while. Actually, it didn’t look too bad. I raised my hands to push my hair down again and stopped in the motion when I saw something red. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt, but I could see a bit of the bandages. Without thinking, I grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and pulled it up so I could see the bandages.

“Oh” I said tiredly to myself as I saw blood leaking through the bandages. The girl obviously had pulled at my wrists too hard so that the wounds opened again. Without emotion, I did the same to my other wrist, just to see the same image.

I held my wrists in front of me and looked up at myself again. I was crying again, the black smeared over my cheeks and around my eyes again. I let out a frustrated whimper and started to rip the bandages off my arms with clenched teeth. I threw them all around the room till I had them off. I looked at my bloody wrists and started to feel a bit dizzy. I stumbled backwards and in one of the stalls. With shaking hands, I locked it and sat down on the closed toilet lid. I grabbed a hand full of hair and pulled a bit. Drops of blood decorated the floor and I just stared at them through wet eyes.

I failed. Again.

 

**Brendon’s POV**

When I pushed the door open, my heard skipped a beat. The bandages were thrown all over the room, some of them bloody and there were some drops of blood.

I averted my gaze when I heard a whimper from one of the toilet stalls.

I walked to the door where it came from and tried to open it, but it was locked.

“Ryan, open the door.” I said as calm as I could.

What I got for an answer, was a loud whimper.

I looked behind me to the mess before I knocked my fist against the stall door.

“Open the damn door.”

Fantastic, very intelligent to demand like that.

“Please”

When nothing happened, I retreated two steps and kicked against the door with all force I had. The door opened loudly and my gaze fell on Ryan who sat on the closed toilet lid. He was hiding his face in his hands and was shaking.

“Ry” I said softly and walked towards him. He just sobbed loudly.

I raised my hands to take his hands away from his face and he looked up at me. His eyes and cheeks were smeared with black and on his chin was a bit blood. Shocked, I looked down and there was a puddle of blood to my feet. In a fast motion, I grabbed his hands harder and forced them down completely to look at his wrists. The cuts were open and bleeding heavily.

“Fuck!” I breathed out.

In that Moment, I heard the door to the bathroom open and I looked over my shoulder to see Pete.

“Call the ambulance!” I yelled and his eyes grew wide and he nodded before running out of the bathroom.

I turned back to Ryan and let go of his hands to take off the hoodie I was wearing over my shirt and pressed it to both of his wrists to stop the bleeding.

“What happened?” I whispered.

“She grabbed my wrists too hard.” He breathed out. I wanted to ask who she was but I decided against it for now. “I’m so sorry, Bren. I wanted to be strong but I’m not. I tried but I can’t do anything like a normal human being. Maybe you should just let me die. It would be easier for both of us.”

I stared at him and started to shake my head.

“Stop talking like that. Dying is not an option for you. You don’t even know how strong you are. You lived through so much crap. I know if I would have gone through it, I wouldn’t be so strong.”

“Stop telling me lies! You know that’s not true!” He almost yelled.

He tried to raise his hands but I was still pushing down onto his wrists with my hoodie. He made a frustrated noise and started shaking harder and I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I wrapped my arms around him and he collapsed into me. We stayed like that for a while and then he sighed heavily.

“’m tired, Bren.” Ryan whispered against my shirt.

“Fuck. No, Ry. Don’t fall asleep!” I demanded. I brought a bit distance between us and took the hoodie away carefully. The material was dripping with blood. I started to panic and held onto Ryan again.

“Ryan, I love you. Please don’t die.” I said while tears started to run down my cheeks.

Ryan didn’t response and I panicked even more.

The door opened again and Pete rushed in.

“They’re here.”

I nodded to myself and watched Ryan a few seconds longer. His head was hanging and I couldn’t see his eyes through his bangs.

“Fuck. No!” I quickly grabbed the boy to lift him up bridal style. When I looked down at him now, I could see that his eyes were closed. I turned around and headed for the door.

I heard Pete cry out behind me as I made my way out of the bathroom and towards the front entrance. When I stepped out, a few students were standing there, looking for the reason of this. I tried to ignore them and ran towards the ambulance car. I stepped in and lay Ryan down.

“He lost a lot of blood.” I said. The woman in the car nodded and started to clean the wounds. I could see a bit fear in her expression but I looked away quickly. Ryan wouldn’t die. He was save now. Everything would be fine.

***

I started to hate hospitals. Really, it was just frustrating and annoying.

They stitched the cuts as fast as they could. The doctor told me that they didn’t do it right the first time at the mental clinic and that was why the cuts opened again.

I was sitting beside Ryan’s bed and damn, this was too familiar. I hid my face in my hands, silently asking myself why all of this was happening to us, to him.

The door opened and I raised my head a bit to see Jon.

“Hey, how is he?”

“Still asleep, he’ll be fine though.” I said.

“Good”

Jon took another chair and sat beside me.

“I hate hospitals.” I murmured.

“Well, it would be creepy if you’d like them.” Jon said with a small laugh. “When will he be able to go home?”

“He won’t stay long. They’ll look after him when he wakes up and maybe he can come home today already.”

Jon just nodded.

When the door opened again, both our heads turned to look. My mother was standing in the door.

“What do you want here?” I spat.

“I’m here to look after my son.” she said simply.

“How much longer will he be your son?”

“A week.”

“Nice, fuck off.”

“Brendon!”

“Go away.”

“That’s not very mature of you.”

“I don’t care.”

“What happened?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is for another week.”

“Are you serious?! You don’t care about him, so leave.”

She rested her hands on her hips and glared at me a few seconds.

“Alright, you think I don’t care? Good, then I won’t care from now on. Does this sound good to you? I won’t ask about you or Ryan and will mind my own business.”

“Good!” I yelled.

She turned around and left the room. Jon stared at the door with his mouth slightly open.

“Did this just happen?” he asked quietly.

“Yep, told you she’s a bitch.”

“I have to agree.”

“Who’s a bitch?” another voice cut in and my head shot up. Ryan’s eyes were open and he looked at me with a curious expression.

“Mom”

He nodded to himself.

“How do you feel?” Jon asked.

“Okay, a bit dizzy though.”

“You lost a lot of blood, the stitches they did at the mental clinic weren’t right or something, that’s why the wounds opened again.” I explained.

We sat there a bit longer in silence till Jon got up.

“I’ll go get the doctor.”

I nodded and watched him leave.

“You will not go to school again.” I said without looking at Ryan.

“What? No, I have to go.” He snapped.

“It was your first day, is even was your first lesson and this happened. Do you really think I’ll let you go to school again?”

“I have to.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Can’t you just ask the director if we could be in the same english and math class?”

I wanted to snap something back, but then I thought about it for a moment. That wasn’t such a bad idea. Well, if the director would agree.

I sighed.

“I can ask.”

“Yay!”

My head shot up and I saw that Ryan was beaming. I couldn't hide a smile myself at the sight. 

 

**Ryan’s POV**

The doctor just checked on me quickly and I actually managed not to cry out. Big step for me. After that I could leave, so we left the hospital and walked to Jon’s car where Brendon and I sat in the backseat, as always.

“So, I’ll talk to the director tomorrow morning.” Brendon said when we arrived at Jon’s apartment.

“Why?” Jon asked.

“I’ll ask if Ryan and I can be in the same math and english class. It would be easier.”

Jon nodded and disappeared into his room. Brendon grabbed my hand and led me into the living room. He turned the TV on to some series I didn't know and lay down. Then he brought his arms up and into my direction, showing me that I should lay down with him.

I obeyed and lay down on top of him with his arms around me. I sighed contently as I used his chest as a pillow. Brendon seemed to actually watch TV but I didn’t. I was lying there with closed eyes, listening to his heartbeat.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, the phone started to ring. I groaned and made an attempt to get up but Brendon held me down.

“Not our phone” he mumbled and I lay down again.

A few seconds later, I heard Jon’s door open as he rushed to get the call.

The ringing stopped and Jon started talking to whoever it was. It didn’t take long and I heard footsteps in the living room.

“It’s Pete, he wants to know how Ryan is.” Jon whispered. He probably thought I was asleep.

“I don’t care.” Brendon said.

“Don’t be a bitch, Bren.”

“Tell him that he’s fine.”

“He wants to talk to you.”

“But I don’t want to talk to him.”

Jon sighed and came closer.

“Just take the phone.”

“No”

“My god, get over it. He apologized, didn’t he?”

“I don’t care.”

I opened my eyes and raised my head a bit.

“Stop being an asshole.” I said and lay back down.

It was silent for a while and then Brendon groaned.

“Fine”

Jon handed him the phone and walked off.

“What?” Brendon spat.

I couldn’t hear what Pete said but Brendon listened for a while with an angry expression.

“He’s fine.”

He listened again but his expression changed from angry to tired.

“Alright, alright, chill. I don’t hate you.”

Silence.

“Yeah … okay”

Silence.

“See you tomorrow … yeah, bye.”

He hung up and threw the phone on the coffee table.

I looked up at him and he just sighed.

“We’re okay now. He pretty much begged me to forgive him. I think he should tell you all of this but, well.”

“He probably knew that Ryan wouldn’t talk to him on the phone, dumbass.” Jon said as he walked into the room again.

“Whatever”

I took a deep breath and lay down comfortably again.

***

When we arrived at the school the next morning, everyone was staring at us and whispering. I tried to hide behind Brendon, who was holding my hand tightly. We were heading towards the director’s office again.

“Uhm, Ryan?”

We stopped and I turned around. Pete was standing in front of me, fiddling with his hands nervously.

“I just wanted to apologize … for everything. I know a lot of the shit you’ve been through is my fault.”

He avoided eye contact and bit his lip. I looked beside me to Brendon and then back to Pete. I walked a bit closer to him so that we could speak without somebody else hearing it.

“It’s okay” I whispered. His head shot up and he looked at me for a few seconds before he started to smile.

“Thank you”

I managed a smile myself.

“So, uhm, I guess I’ll see you around.”

I nodded and he headed off. I turned to Brendon and he shot me a brief smile before he was tugging me along again.

At the director’s office, Brendon actually managed to convince the director that we would be in the same classes. He explained my situation and the director agreed quickly.

Once outside the office, Brendon took me in for a hug and gave me a quick kiss.

Since then, everything was a bit easier. Brendon sat next to me in every class and nobody harassed me. I personally think that it was because I almost bled to death and they are a bit scared but whatever. Brendon thought that they were scared of him and I wouldn’t destroy his imagination. 

***

A month passed and we were still living at Jon’s. Brendon talked about searching for a apartment every day since he had a good paying job at Starbucks now, but somehow we never did so.

In school everything was okay, well, everyone was still whispering behind our backs and staring at us but I could stand it. Brendon was always whispering death threats under his breath when he saw someone staring. It just made me laugh.

Believe it or not, Pete became a pretty good friend with us. I wasn’t in a class with him anymore but he sat with us every lunch break.

It was a Friday and we were on our way to the cafeteria. Students were staring at us as always.

“What is your problem?” Brendon spat. I didn’t saw it coming and flinched a bit at his harsh tone.

The girls who had been staring started walking away and Brendon shot them his death glare.

“God, why can’t they just stop this shit?” He murmured and started to walk again.

“Calm down.” I whispered and squeezed his hand.

When we arrived in the cafeteria, Jon was already sitting on our table. We got our food and sat with him.

“You look pissed.” He stated and Brendon just growled and started to eat.

“What is it with him?” Jon asked me.

“He’s pissed because everyone is staring.”

Jon turned to Brendon again.

“My god, get over it. Just two more years and you’re out of here.”

“Two years is a long time, Jon.” Brendon said with his mouth full of fries.

“Do you see puppy freak out about this? No. Be a man.”

“Don’t call me puppy.” I complained.

Jon turned to me and smiled sweetly.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

I looked up to see Pete. He smiled at us and sat down as well.

“Brenny is annoyed because of all the meany staring people here.” Jon laughed.

“Well, you’re holding hands with Ry here everyday and I heard people say things about you kissing. I know that you two are a couple. But other people don’t know and I would be confused too if I wouldn’t know you.” Pete said.

Brendon started at him with a death glare.

“What? It’s true. That’s just how people are.”

Brendon looked from Pete to me with a thoughtful look. Jon started to laugh.

“Maybe you should do it like the dudes in the movies. Get up on the table and confess your love so that everyone can hear it.”

Pete started to laugh as well but I remained silent because Brendon’s look was scaring me a bit. Then he looked at our laughing friends.

“Not a bad idea, actually.”

They stopped laughing immediately to stare at him.

“Bren, don’t- ” I started but he was already standing on his chair to get up on the table. I sat back in my chair and tried to hide my face behind my hands.

“Brendon, come down!” I hissed up at him but he just smiled at me.

“Hey, can I get your attention?” He yelled and everyone’s heads turned to look at him and the cafeteria went silent.

“Thank you. I just want to tell you something.”

“Brendon, stop it!” I hissed again but he ignored me.

“You see this beautiful boy there?” He asked the crowd and pointed down at me. “I know that you’re all very curious about what’s with him and me. So, let me tell you.”

Everyone was staring at me now and I tried to sink further into my chair.

“I’m in love with Ryan Ross.”

The silence faded into whisper.

“I thought you were brothers.” A girl yelled.

“Not anymore” He said with a smile. Then he turned towards me again and held out a hand. I shook my head nervously.

“Oh dear god” I heard Jon whisper and in no time he was beside me and heaved me up so that Brendon could pull me onto the table. I shot Jon a quick glare before I looked at the crowd. Some of them were amused, some were shocked and some just looked bored.

“Bren- ”

“So, I love him and if someone has a problem with that then … well I don’t really care.”

“You should kiss him.” Pete yelled and I glared at him.

Just as I turned my head back to Brendon, he pressed his lips to mine and my tension ebbed away. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

I heard loud noises shot through the air but I couldn't place it. When Brendon drew back, I smiled at him and just then I realized that the noise was clapping. I looked to the crowd and I saw smiling faces. They were clapping and cheering.

“What is happening?” I whispered.

“I think they like honesty.” Brendon said. I turned to him again and beamed.

“Well, let’s give them a show.” He added and kissed me again.

The cheering grew louder and I smiled against Brendon’s lips.

This was probably one of the best days ever. Well, after the day I first met Brendon, because this was indeed the best day of my entire life, because I would probably be dead without him.

When I pulled back, we stayed in an embrace for a little while.

“I love you” I whispered. “Thanks for saving me.”

“I love you too” he said a bit louder. “No matter what”

***

We pretty much made out the whole day after that. Just because we could. Everyone was somewhat happy when we did. I really didn’t get those people but whatever.

After school, Brendon had to work though, so I drove home with Jon and tried to search for things to do till Brendon would come home. I did my homework, watched TV and played with Brendon’s old Gameboy I somehow found in my boredom. This thing reminded me of when we were younger and I had to smile the whole time I played with it.

After that I lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Somewhere between I fell asleep.

I woke up when I felt lips touch mine. I brought my arms up to wrap them around Brendon’s neck. I opened my eyes to see him grin down at me when he drew back.

“Welcome back to life, sleeping beauty.” He said.

I raised my head a bit to see that he was sitting on top of me.

“Uhm” I started but he held his index finger to my lips.

“Shh” He smiled sheepishly. “I bought a few things.”

He jumped off me and grabbed a bag off the floor. He tossed the things on the bed and grinned at me. Sitting up a bit, I looked at the things lying on the bed.

A bottle of lube and a few condoms.

When I looked up at him again, the grin was gone and he smiled innocently.

“Just an idea, we don’t have to- ” I cut him off when I sat up completely and kissed him.

“I like your idea.” I whispered against his lips.

“I just thought … now that everyone accepts us- ”

“Shut up”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down with me.

“Wait” He said and got up again. I rolled my eyes as he locked the door.

“I don’t want Jon to walk in on us.”

Within seconds, he was on top of me again, kissing me passionately.

After a few minutes of making out, I got frustrated.

“Could you please get those damn clothes off us?” I hissed and he nodded and started taking of his shirt. I sat up a bit so that he could get mine off as well. Our jeans followed quickly after.

Brendon was hovering over me again, staring down at me. He raised a hand to touch my cheek.

“Are you really okay with this?” he asked.

“My god, Brendon. Yes!”

He smiled and moved his hand away from my cheek to hook it in the waistband of my boxers. I raised an eyebrow and he pulled the fabric off me. Then he took his own off quickly.

We were both already hard and Brendon escaped a moan at the skin contact.

“Do you even know what to do?” I breathed out. He laughed nervously.

“Of course, I wouldn’t do this if I wouldn’t know.”

I wanted to say something but I decided to remain silent.

He leaned down to kiss me and I opened up immediately. Our tongues slid together in a fight for dominance. I quickly gave up and let Brendon take over.

After a while he drew back and laughed.

“You’re the girl in the relationship.”

I stared at him.

“We’re about to have sex, I’m aware of that. Now shut up and go on.”

He grinned and nodded as he placed himself between my legs, biting his lip. I spread my legs a bit more to give him better access.

He grabbed the bottle of lube and put a bit on his fingers. He shot me a look before he tossed the bottle away again.

“Ready?” He asked quietly.

I nodded, biting my lip. He looked down again and took a deep breath before he carefully pushed a finger to my entrance. He looked up again before he finally pushed it in.

I groaned and closed my eyes.

“Are you okay?” Brendon asked.

“Yep, just go on.”

He didn’t reply but soon I felt another finger push in. I bit my lip. Then he added a third finger and I opened my eyes again.

“M-move” I said through clenched teeth and he nodded, starting to move his fingers.

I got used to it after a while. It wasn’t comfortable in the least but it was bearable.

I made a high pitched noise as he withdrew his fingers. I raised my head a bit to see him sliding the condom on. He looked up and asked me with his look if I was ready. I jus stared back and he seemed to accept that. He lubed himself up and guided his cock to my entrance. I heard him take a deep breath before he pushed in.

I gasped at the irruption and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“You okay?” Brendon asked.

I nodded.

“Fucking move”

He obeyed and slid almost all the way out before pushing in again. He started to build up a rhythm and after few thrusts he hit some spot and I moaned out in pleasure. Brendon caught my open mouth in a sloppy kiss while he hit that spot again and again.

“B-Bren- ”

He raised a hand and slid down my body to curl it around my cock. I tightened my grip on his shoulders as he started to stroke. I didn’t last long and came all over our stomachs.

It took a few more thrusts for Brendon to come as well.

He collapsed onto me and breathed heavily. When his breathing calmed down a bit, he jumped off the bed and got rid of the condom. Then he lay down beside me again.

“C’mere” He whispered and I turned onto my side to cuddle closer to him. I lay my head on his should and he petted my head with a hand.

“I love you” he whispered and kissed me on the head. “I will never let anyone hurt you again, Ry.”

I smiled and buried my face in his shoulder.

“I love you too”

 

**END**


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